a waste?
i wouldn't think so.
but i'll say so.
- -
i put everything i had into that.
know that.
i just don't know what to do now. i don't know how to get over the bitterness and the emptiness from the thought of you. i'm going to need time to be friends again.
i know in my heart we would have worked things out. you just never had the time. you just always said "i don't know." why did jenna tell you to be a better girlfriend too, amy?
my heart crackles every now and again. but my friends are here for me, and i'm glad for that.
i can live with or without you.
and now i know,
now i KNOW,
that we'll never be together again.
and you know, that's always been a question in the back of my head:
"am i settling for less? is there something brighter around the corner?"
and now i know,
that that answer,
is yes.
cheers to both of us, girl. we ended what needed to end. this is a beginning for both of us.
i'll finally find what i'm looking for. a girl who'll treat me right. a girl who'll be everything i need her to be. and that's calling me just to say sweet things, someone who'll think of me, someone who'll kiss me in the hallways. a girl who gets me. a girl whose bond i share will overcome... everything. even shanice. even you.
i'll always love you, girl.
and this empire that we built.
and now it's time for that era to end.
now there's someone who'll love you more than i did.
- -
my heart feels so sick.
yet so ready to begin.
and there's someone.
- -
time for change.
time for happiness.
time for a relationship better than ever before.
- -
it hurts to see how much you pushed me away, though.
you're already telling all your other friends things, and keeping distance from me.
i guess you just don't even want to be best friends.
all the memories keep rushing into my head, like july.
you said all those things.
ahh, i'm such a fool to have clinged onto them.
i'm so numb from all the s**t towards the end of our relationship,
that i don't even feel like crying.
just... empty.
you made me so miserable.
i thank you for ending it though,
you did something i couldn't do.
i could never give up like that.
i loved it too much to see how messy it was.
i'm glad that i don't have to live lies anymore.
- -
i care so much more~
i have a bigger world to give~
- -
i'm glad alyssa is coming to me for help.
i mean, wow,
we haven't bonded like this in a while.
aww. (:
i luhh herr.
she's chill a** s**t. (:
- -
you were a girlfriend,
in the fact that you tried, and that we had love and loyalty.
but nobody would have guessed you and i were girlfriends.
because you didn't do much of anything.
that's just coming from an experience where my girlfriends hold my hand, kiss me meaningfully, write me notes, and shiz.
but oh well. (:
time for somebody who can be that little thing for me.
time for somebody who truly loves me as much as i love them,
because i changed for you.
and look what i got. a break up. a broken heart. misery. (:
that's gonna change, soon, though, seeing how today wentttt. biggrin
- -
two years down the drain.
9/28/06.
- -
actually,
remember that promise i made to God?
kind of connective,
because i actually have stopped praying and became religiously confused around the time the tension built.
oh, correlation without causation.
i'm in love with you.
i'm so terribly in love with you,
and under the little part of me is only hurt because i've got a bite in my pride,
is a big part that has my heart screaming for your arms again.
why amy? why?
******** me, i know why.
baby, i am so crumbled to pieces.
i love you.
i love you forever.
what we had,
those nights,
those talks, those little jokes,
those days just laying next to each other...
amazing.
you are the miracle of my life.
you are the tragedy of my life.
two years.
- -
but go.
please, please go.
i couldn't handle another night of crying for us.
we aren't right.
you wouldn't work.
i wouldn't settle.
we were both miserable.
god.
and when you were worried that i was going to break up with you yesterday on the phone?
did you listen to the voice messages?
didn't you so tenderly say how much you loved me, something you hadn't done in a while?
i thought you were holding on.
guess you didn't.
nice to play with me, amy.
- -
i'm never going to settle for less.
LOL.
who am i kidding.
i work my a** off for something good.
it's always one-sided. (:
- -
do i miss you?
i really don't know.
i miss YOU.
but i don't miss US.
we were a wreck.
and i'll still put the blame on you.
because we could have worked them out.
i could have anyone stand by the things we said back in time, and they could agree with my point.
and i worked so hard to talk things out, be passive, listen to your side, work things out.
you?
"i don't know."
"we'll talk about this later."
" -anger/tension/neglect the question- "
i have blame though.
i know that.
but not as much as you.
you didn't want to fix anything.
- -
how do you expect to fix your future relationships, amy,
when you couldn't even compromise with me?
- -
i would take you back.
i would take you back.
but not while you don't love me as much as i do for you.
not while you're a shitty girlfriend.
you made me miserable, all the time.
- -
and i don't count on that,
because i can find someone who i'll have that deep of a bond that we did,
and i know that i'll find someone who'll treat me like girls are supposed to be treated.
but who knows.
maybe fate will favor us.
and i would love that.
- -
I did everything right.
I gave you everything you wanted from me,
I put up a fights,
And when I did, it was only when necessary, and I sure as hell took all the right steps even a ******** therapist would do to work out a little problem. I listened to your side, I was passive, I was positive. You were unresponsive, hard to work with, and therefore let them escalate. It's your fault.
I was the ******** perfect girlfriend for you.
Why did you throw me away like that?
Why didn't you love me?
- -
i hope you turn around realize how great i was.
or at least admit it now.
because i am so one ******** amazing girlfriend.
and all my exes know that.
hell, even dana knows that.
and that is fact.
hell, all of this is fact.
- -
i'm throwing away pictures that i never should have taken in the first place. and it's cold in my apartment as i'm changing all the colors from the brightest reds to grays. well it's 3 o'clock on monday morning, i'm just hoping you're not seeing his face. i've been getting calls in these hotel rooms long enough to know that it was him that took my place. and i hope this makes you happy now, that the flame we had is burning out. and i hope you like your pictures facing down, as even broken hearts may have their doubts. and i'm burning all the letters hoping that i might forget her and her bad taste, that she left when she was leaving me. a life of barely breathing as she walked out of this place. and you dropped the note and we changed key, you changed yourself and i changed me. i really didn't see us singing through this. then you screamed the bridge and i cried the verse, and our chorus came out unrehearsed. and you smiled the whole way through it, i guess maybe that's what's worse. and i'm taking all your memories off the shelf, and i don't need you or anybody else. so take a look at me, see what you want to see when you get home.
take me home, i'd rather die than be with you. take me home, you have a problem with the truth
take me home, because this happens every time. i knew it would, i knew it would.
If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand. I hope you find out what you want. I already know what I am. And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again. And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am. I'll grow old and start acting my age. I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate. A crown of gold. A heart that's harder than stone. And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget. If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state. You can keep to yourself. I'll keep out of your way. And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down. Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out. It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room, when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds. So call it quits or get a grip. Say you wanted a solution. You just wanted to be missed. You are calm and reposed. Let your beauty unfold. Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close. You are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin. Standing trial for your sins. Holding onto yourself the best you can. You are the smell before rain. You are the blood in my veins.
- -
Everyone's caught on to everything you do. And I can't let you, let me down again. So, is that what you call a getaway? Tell me what you got away with, 'cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish. I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids. Have another drink and drive yourself home. I hope there's ice on all the roads. And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt, and again when your head goes through the windshield. And is that what you call tact? You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back. So let's end this call, and end this conversation. And is that what you call a getaway? Well tell me what you got away with, 'cause you left the frays from the ties you severed when you say best friends means friends forever. And I can't let you let me down again. And I can't let you let me down again. And I can't let you let me down again. And I can't let you let me down again. And I can't let you let me down again.
- -
but i never told you everything
i'm losing hope and fading dreams
and every single memory along the way
- -
i only have one page done.
lmfao, ******** thiss shitttt.
i'd probably have so much more fun in regular classes where i don't even have to try to make a's.
but then i wouldn't have a great career/future when i get older,
so i'll settle for later. (:
i'm balancing things badass, though.
parties, friends, leisure,
fitting in with,
clubs, school, homework.
rissa said that people who smoke are stupid.
mm, probably.
i just giggled, though.
all i have to say is: dorian.
- -
so dls, people are, to an extent, born happy or sad people.
it's in our brains. some brains are actually designed to exhibit more happiness than others.
so although people can become as happy as they want,
some people have to try less because of their genetic make-up.
and lulsy,
"people who have the 'happiness gene' tend to have the following characteristics:
naturally smile frequently.
optimists.
higher self-esteem.
many close friendships."
etc, etc.
i fit most of them.
it's been on my mind a lot, just kind of uplifting.
because i smile so much,
and i laugh so much.
i'm just a naturally fun-oriented person.
i'm advantaged. (:
- -
And I will always remember you as you are right now to me.
And I will always remember now.
Sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side.
How does he feel, how does he kiss?
How does he taste while he's on your lips?
I can forget you.
I know you want me to want you, I want to,
But I can't forgive you.
So when this is over don't blow your composure baby.
I can't forgive you,
I know you want me to want you, I want to.
ahhh.
these lyrics touch my heart.
and just,
you can't even read these lyrics to understand the beauty in it.
the vocals are SO GOOD and magical.
and i can not say that about much of anything else.
oh my god.
i am
******** captured. &3
/replay replay.
- -
I don't know what it's going to take to be with
a decent person. Someone who know's how to
treat a ******** girl. What the ********
ever. My head needs to be in school and not
'love'. :/ Although I know I want it to be. .
- -
I FEEL GOOD.
FINALLY,
I FEEL GOOD.
- -
i could never commit suicide.
i'd miss too much.
but really,
i'd hurt too many people.
multiple people with the burden of my death for their entire lives & something so completely distressful in my life temporarily.
ugh, i can't even imagine how jacob feels.
ahhh. ):
i'm so completely sorry.
i want to make him happy, or something, anything.
it sucks so bad.
suicide is just so terrible.
oh, god.
i mean,
seriously.
******** if i ever feel so shitty and out of control,
and just so ******** broken in pieces and cold in my heart.
i could NEVER do that to my parents,
to my girlfriend,
to my best friends,
to my friends.
hell, i'd even be affected if someone i didn't know committed themselves who went to my school.
that's affect even me,
so yeah,
i couldn't even do that to strangers.
i mean, gosh.
suicide is so selfish.
i honestly believe the effects it has can be so much worse than the causes.
euhh. )):
,lk;jfdh. UGH.
jacob is MISERABLE.
the parents are MISERABLE.
they will have to live with that FOREVER.
over what? over what?
it's stupid to say, but truly, teenagers don't even have a matured degree of judgment.
in fact, the part of your brain, the frontal lobes, that coordinates judgment and personality and s**t?
that doesn't even develop completely until you're 21, 25.
it's just,
so sad to see that this girl so believed that things were over for her,
before she ever had the chance to really see,
to really live life.
ugh, i don't know.
- -
i don't even care today,
lmfao.
i am so
so free.
impulseimpulseimpulse.
- -
I will promise myself I won't care, distracting myself from your stare. And I’ve seen this mistake once before. With your games I will never fall for. I've hung up my guns, I won’t kill again. I won't forget you, I won't forget you. But I'm not gonna let you win. I’m tired of lying, tired of fighting you. And it's not gonna change. You asked for my heart,
you know that I'm down. But not the way you lie to me and tear it all apart. And beg for me to stay. I've sailed off to sea, I'm not coming back. Counting down, make that sound, and you know it makes no sense. Counting down 'till you mess around, and I know you can't ever change. When I'm trembling, thrown overboard. When I'm ready to relive the past. Counting down, make that sound. Break the silence.
Pretend it's not forever, I'll pull myself together. I'll say that I'll forget her, I'll breathe. And I'll say she never hurt me, and look at it as learning, and laugh about the good and the bad. Because I will live forever and we don't belong together. I know I'll feel better one day when I can make it through.
- -
When you said you were gone from my life forever.
I didn't even cry.
But a weight was lifted and I sighed "I'm free"
I'm free from you going back to HER
and crawling back to me.
Over
and
Over
and
Over.
- -
oh my gosh.
one more thing.
my dad.
is such a ********,
but so caring.
"how was your day rachelle? how's school? you doin' alright?"
with such a tender attitude.
aww. (:
i love him.
i have amazing parents.
and it's such a great influence that i do.
- -
AHHH. &3
i luhh becca. biggrin
we was with auggie and jess.
in her ******** car.
blazin' down the streets
with ******** bass-y 3OH!3 and lil wayne playing.
********' awesome shitttt.
god, she's becoming so ******** wild, lmfao.
- -
okay.
today was a damn good day.
secret:
i'm kind of ******** thinking about her.
and everything is getting to me again.
:/
i feel like s**t.
ugh.
********.
whatever.
i've already let her go, and i've already moved on.
but only for the most part.
i just.
i.
<3
You change your mind like a girl changes clothes. Yeah, you PMS like a b***h. I would know. And you over think, you always speak crypticly. I should know that you're no good for me. 'Cause you're hot then you're cold. You're yes then you're no. You're in then you're out. You're up then you're down. You're wrong when it's right. It's black and it's white. We fight, we break up. We kiss, we make up. You don't really want to stay, no. But you don't really want to go. We used to be just like twins, so in sync. The same energy now's a dead battery. Used to laugh about nothing, now you're plain boring. I should know that you're not gonna change.
you're tempted to leave when you find that another person likes you.
- -
i hope amy gets a girlfriend very soon.
or already has.
- -
I swear that you don't have to go. I thought we could wait for the fireworks. I thought we could wait for the snow to wash over Georgia and kill the hurt. I thought I could live in your arms and spend every moment I had with you. Stay up all night with the stars and confess all the faith that I had in you. Too late, I'm sure and lonely. Another night, another dream wasted on you. Just be here now against me. You know the words, so sing along for me baby. For heaven's sake I know you're sorry, but you won't stop crying. This anniversary may never be the same. Inside, I hope you know I'm dying
with my heart beside me, in shattered pieces that may never be replaced. And if I died right now, you'd never be the same.
I thought with a month of apart, together would find us an opening. And moonlight would provide the spark, and that I would stumble across the key, or break down the door to your heart. Forever could see us, not you and me. And you'd help me out of the dark,
and I'd give my heart as an offering.
And I will always remember you as you are right now to me, and I will always remember now. Sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side. How does he feel, how does he kiss? How does he taste while he's on your lips? I can forget you. I know you want me to want you, I want to, but I can't forgive you. So when this is over don't blow your composure baby. I can't forgive you, I know you want me to want you, well I want to.
- -
"and I will always remember you as you are right now to me, and I will always remember now."
"and I will always remember you as you are right now to me, and I will always remember now."
"and I will always remember you as you are right now to me, and I will always remember now."
"and I will always remember you as you are right now to me, and I will always remember now."
that touches my heart, that one line. that probably defines all of this the best.
i'll always keep the warmest memories closest.
of you,
of steph,
of shanice,
hell, even that kiss tai gave me.
always the best.
always the good parts.
never the bad.
it's uplifting.
it's emotional.
it's nostalgia.
- -
...
AHHHHAHAAHA.
OH MY GOD.
that scene
in that song
with aqualung
at the end
with the girl
and the guy
i've so totally had that.
with steph.
and i totally remember that day EXACTLY.
oh
my god. &3
that's just hilarious.
********' flashback, lmfao.
aww. (:
yeah, yeah yea yea.
aww...
- -
hahaha.
i don't know what you're talkin' 'bout.
what are you talking about?
i don't know what you're talking about. (:
- -
i was going to post about you, just now.
but,
LOL,
NO.
******** dat s**t. :/
thinking about you
makes me think about us
which makes me think about that thing she told me
which makes me think about what's going to happen
which makes me feel like s**t
all in between.
):
think friendsjessfriendsjessfriendsjesskisses.
yes.
there.
there we go.
- -
aw.
i actually feel better.
heyyy. (:
******** suck my c**k,
i finally finished that ******** paper.
oh my ********, chemistry is going to be so much easier now.
well, luls, unless she decides to spin that 5 projects at a time punk a** s**t on us again.
w/e. (:
i feel good now.
forget
tomorrow.
secret:
speaking of tomorrow,
i actually kind of dread school now.
BECAUSE I MISS YOU.
AND I HATE MYSELF, SOMETIMES.
:/
yeah.
i don't know.
i don't hate myself.
i just... really, really hate how things are going.
but everything is going so great!
but i still can't stop thinking about you.
even when i'm with jess,
i can't
can't stop thinking about you.
and how your kisses are better.
...
i mean.
i mean
i mean what?
ugh.
i don't know.
i just
i just...
i'm in pain, still.
even though i've let go, for the most part.
but yeah, i HAVE let go. i HAVE moved on.
not completely, but so much.
- -
aching.
smiling.
aching.
smiling.
loving.
missing.
new girl.
old face.
kick and scream.
all along.
walks.
coffee.
notes.
avoid.
avoid.
hug.
cling.
boo.
kisses.
aching.
- -
"Do you want to come over,
And kill a couple of hours?
We don't need to do much,
We could just stare at the walls if you'd like.
As long as I'm with you."
and that's toward you.
...
no it's not.
yes, it is.
no, it's not.
i swear.
- -
i lovedddd that car ride though.
can'tttt stop thinking about it.
jess and me in the back seat,
auggie and becca in the front,
windows down,
cigarettes burning,
stolen millers,
volume up,
******** metal and crunk.
mostly crunk. (:
******** teenage moment there.
just being crazy.
just being kids.
being stupid,
and falling in love.
- -
i
love
life.
but not you.
but not this.
- -
it's moments like these, really, that define your life.
your teenage years.
even all the s**t. there's s**t to only emphasize how great the greatness is.
so much beauty,
so much change,
so much laughter,
so much love.
from ******** around with your best friends at midnight ten blocks away and three hours after curfew.
to hugging that one girl so, so close.
i've lived so much.
i have so much yet to live.
i just feel so.
(:
complete, and,
light-hearted.
- -
in time
bitterness will melt to tenderness in my heart
inside
i know it's both our faults we're apart
my eyes
can't even stand the sight of your new love spark
closing time
of my lips' desire for your kiss
time to shine
with the new girlfriend to hit it with
like fine wine
you're irreplaceable even after all of this
- -
i love my friends.
so, so gratefully.
(:
- -
We're completely different.
And yet we're best friends. Like ultimate best friends. No one has ever gotten between us.
even steph.
I love you. C:
- -
i'm so, so happy right now.
with her, with myself, with life, with everything.
i feel relieved.
no longer burdened.
so light.
so free.
so happy.
but because of that day,
that day,
i'll feel it.
because it's THAT day.
the loss will hit me, then.
but as for now,
i have so moved on.
- - -
AHAHAHA.
I LOVEEE BECCA. biggrin
- -
me:
i had a good day. (:
how bout you?
my days have been really good 'cause i've been hanging with a lot of my friends until like sundown,
smoking and ******** around,
to try to get amy off my mind.
and then i really end up forgetting her.
but then i come back home and im by myself and then i start thinking about her. ):
i really wish she had a girlfriend right now.
you know?
idk.
i just
have an aching heart. D;
alyssa:
Bah
I totally know that feeling
because it was exactly how I felt after will and I broke up
It takes time to heal, trust me
But you'll be good to go before you know it
=D
me:
yeah, i know. ;c
i am doing good though. this is probably the easiest major break up i've ever had.
i don't know if it's because i've been expecting it,
or because i have a great amount of support right now and i'm stronger.
i like the latter. (:
- -
even if "i have an aching heart."
which is true,
and it aches, every now and then.
but really... i so expected this. the day she took back the promise, i knew it. i knew it all along.
so i think, i think that's why.
i'm not hurt much by it.
because the hurt was already done.
even she knows how i cried and stressed over it at the time.
but now, now i know.
this is how it's supposed to be.
i always wondered if there was better around the corner.
now i know.
and that, this, is an amazingly revolutionary feeling.
there's something so,
so much better.
someone sweet, someone connective, someone amazing...
and she was all those things.
but it wasn't right.
now, i will know. now i will know when the right girl comes by.
and it,
will be amazing.
i'm just not hurt.
i haven't even cried.
i've let go.
all that remains are precious memories.
i hope i fall in love again, like that, though.
i'm so afraid she'll be the only one that i'll really, really love that way.
i truly have not-
wait.
what am i saying?
i've only had three serious relationships.
of course i'll fall in love like that again.
even deeper.
ahhh, of course, of course.
such narrow thinking.
- -
that,
that carries such transcending meaning.
i love you.
not romantically.
not platonically.
deeply,
passionately,
connectively,
reminscingly...
love is so deep.
i just.
i can't even explain it.
i love you.
forever.
for always.
no matter what,
even after this tragedy,
my love is yours to keep.
girl after girl, you'll always have my eye.
that's my promise.
and i sort of still believe that i'll take you back.
even if you don't change.
i don't know.
that wouldn't be a healthy relationship.
but i just.
you will always have my heart, and i can't let go of that.
you're just.
you're my...
you're...
--no.
i won't say it.
you're my one.
- -
she totally understood how much a career in the music industry mean to me.
i don't just love it to death. music is my one genuine, ultimate passion. music. music.
i want to work with recording labels and watch bands create amazing albums of one-of-a-kind musical artwork.
or help a band produce work,
or behind the scenes stuff,
like work for a health insurance company for bands,
or a designer or merchandise distributor,
a manager, agent, technician, whatever.
i just want to work with bands.
fuel the underground music scene and the births of new music,
expand the success of artists making it big.
just.
oh my god.
the life of a band is an adventure, man.
it is all amazing to watch.
i don't know.
that probably doesn't even make sense.
but it did for her. biggrin
i love it. (:
it would be so fulfilling to be into the music industry.
i don't even just listen to music.
i support bands, i go to shows and experience a band opening their guts on a stage, i constantly purchase and download hundreds of songs into my computer,
i subscribe to major and local music magazines,
i expand my genres and knowledge of everything and anything.
i am a sponge to music.
- -
i am so content with my life.
so,
so overly satisfied and grateful for all in my life.
i come across so many people who haven't felt the things i've felt, done the things i've done, experienced the things i've done.
so many kids aren't happy.
so many kids haven't felt true love,
or that one special moment, with that one person. that moment.
or those nights that every teenager should have at least one of. those nights. those crazy a**, high energy nights.
or what it is to have complete, ultimate friendship.
or money,
or just anything.
i could die right now and know,
this,
all of this,
this is my life.
and i'll die right now and not regret anything.
i'll die right now and feel completely fulfilled.
i have truly,
lived my life as if the day is the last.
my life is one climatic movie.
with beauty,
with change,
with love,
with laughter,
with sorrow,
and all things in between.
and my god,
there is so much more after this.
so much more to live.
and thinking about that... to think that there will be years and years of this,
is amazing
and assuring.
it gets even better from here.
blows me away, man.
- -
ahhh. (:
i so reconnected with becca tonight.
just like old times-- sitting out on the curb 'til 10 and 11. just talking about everything.
i tell her everything.
i love her.
and i value our friendship so much.
i hate how i can't say that i'll still be friends with the friends that i have now.
i mean, god, i want to stay friends with dorian. ):
and other people,
like leaf, and dana, and jamie.
hell, i don't know if jess and i will still be friends.
it is such a testing thing, life after college.
i can honestly believe i'll still be friends with:
shanice
becca
alyssa
amy.
yes.
amy.
eh,
i care about how i can't say that about dorian most.
i don't know.
those five people. ):
ehh, i don't knowww.
so much i don't know...
- -
never lose the wonder of life.
- -
i changed my signature.
i kind of hope she reads it.
she probably doesn't even want to read my posts anymore though.
if there was one last thing i have to say to her,
it's what's in my signature.
i just.
i mean it so bad.
it has underlying messages in it too.
i just...
ahhh. ):
- -
oh ******** myself.
oh, ********. :/
******** kano's 'this is the girl' is playing.
that was
that was one of the songs
from then.
:/
ugh.
UGH.
things didn't stay the same.
things didn't stay the same...
- -
im glad it wasn't meant to be.
then i wouldn't have found her.
and even if jess isn't the girl of my life,
there's something so much more amazing around the corner.
and i can't even wrap my mind around that.
we're happier without each other.
here's to you and me.
- -
yeah?
well i meant every word.
her kisses.
your kisses.
her kisses.
your kisses.
- -
ily.
and I will never ever forget you (:
you're the first
- -
i love my friends.
i love my friends. (:
- -
i love my life.
i love everything.
i love it even when i miss you.
then my head gets to really thinking,
and then i think about how you've come back.
and then i think that you might come back--
OH MY GOD.
WHAT AM I SAYING.
dskgskg.
ugh.
ugh.
dlkgjlksjdh.
.____.
i love everything.
i love it even when i miss you.
then my head gets to really thinking,
and then i think about how you've come back.
and then i think that you might come back--
OH MY GOD.
WHAT AM I SAYING.
dskgskg.
ugh.
ugh.
dlkgjlksjdh.
.____.
i'd still give you everything.
no, no i won't.
yes, yes i would.
- -
if amy ever reads the lyrics to razah's "rain".
then i'll like.
i don't know. i haven't moved on completely. but i have my pride, so i'll pretend to be, completely.
but this song, oh my god, it's the perfect break-up song. and i can't pretend anymore, thinking about it.
and thinking about it makes me think about her.
i don't know.
i don't know.
Lord, give me a sign
Show me the light
Cause this love I have to fight
sometimes i feel like i really have let go of her.
when i'm with jess,
or smoking a hit with becca or tori,
or hanging out with shanice or alyssa,
or just having fun,
she's not on my mind.
and if she does cross my mind,
i just don't care.
it's over, and that,
that is so okay,
and i have so accepted that.
but then, sometimes,
sometimes...
sometimes i miss her.
i.
i.
i miss her.
- -
i'm so happy.
and i love happiness.
being in a state of something that feels good, just makes everything feel even better.
my life is so much brighter.
no more burden.
everything is new.
everything is reborn.
even my faith.
my heart is healed.
- -
You change your mind like a girl changes clothes. Yeah, you PMS like a b***h. I would know. And you over think, you always speak crypticly. I should know that you're no good for me. 'Cause you're hot then you're cold. You're yes then you're no. You're in then you're out. You're up then you're down. You're wrong when it's right. It's black and it's white. We fight, we break up. We kiss, we make up. You don't really want to stay, no. But you don't really want to go. We used to be just like twins, so in sync. The same energy now's a dead battery. Used to laugh about nothing, now you're plain boring. I should know that you're not gonna change.
you're tempted to leave when you find that another person likes you.
