Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

*yawn* I dont even know what I want to write here...

.... I'm grateful for what I have, I really am. Even if i may not act like it sometimes. I just hate how the choices of someone one else, can make others lives so hard.
yeah, I know some people have it worse, but even so... I could do without my father's additude.

hmm, some of my old habits are starting to die... its an odd feeling.

heh, doing something for the first time almost always screws me over, but once I have time to think about it, the second time, I can do it better. Even if I pick it up a few years later.

heh, Im so used to my boyfriend being there, that I sometimes wonder if he knows I appriciate him. If I show that I appriciate and care for him enough. Theres only so much one can type. and sadly, touching is out of the question. its just not possible right now. and calling, well, if I could easily and without issue, i would have to make a list of things to talk about. Cuz, if not, I'll end up just... sitting there, enjoying the connection itself. not enjoy, like HYPER. but enjoy, like serene. (if I spelt it right).

Sometimes hes lost in thought, and I wish I could, hug/hold him. So he'd know, I'm here for him. because for some reason, when it comes to comforting with words online... I suck. trying to comfort ANYONE online..I suck. my additude is comforting, but the words may not seem like that when said without the voice infliction.

He's funny, sweet, (though like any guy, I sometimes want to cuff him upside the head. lol XD), and he's wonderfully perverted. just. like. me! lol. and he seems to have commen sense, very good trait.

I sometimes try to stay in a bad mood to see if he'll comfort me, but the negativities that were plaguing me, go away for a while. cuz then its Us talking.
and then again, random small talk pops up because theres only so much one can do online. its a connection, so I love it. I wonder if it ever bores or annoys him. heh, i suppose I could just go and ask him, right? is that what you're sayin? ..yeah well, the question kinda dies cuz Im too much in La-La Land, to remember. lol. If I do have any issues, I tell him. at least i think i do.. Yeah, I do.
SO many "I" 's god dammit, and i keep forgetting to capitalize them!! lol
This sounds corny but I have been able to say to myself for a while now, "I love him" , with out adding "..but every day Im learning, all my life Ive always been pretending. Without me, his world will go on turning" from Les Miserables medly I sang while in the school choir.

I think a little after the begining, I didnt want to admit to myself, i was "in love", because i felt like I was vulnerable, and didnt want to be vulnerable. but half-assing a relationship that i wanted, wasnt helping either.

Now Ive lost mostly all of my pridely stubborn-ness, and I have a date and destination. now I must get the things I need to get there.
and I can only hope that we get along as well (or better than) as we do online, in real life.