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Hello.
Welcome to my journal.
My life is pretty ******** up at the moment.
Here's the deal. My mom and my dad conceived me in Wisconsin in 1993. I was born in 1994. I was a mistake- I was never supposed to be born.
My mom was finishing writing her dissertation, so we moved to Iowa. I was three. Iowa City is where I went to school, K thru 5th.
When I was five, mom met my stepdad-to-be. They dated, and got married when I was eight. My little sister was born when I was nine.
They are the perfect image of the American family- two teachers working happily, with their perfect little over-acheiver genius baby.
Then there was me- ******** up the perfect image, standing in the shadow, screwing it all up. The outsider. The mistake.
Now that my little sister is in Kindergarten, and I've finally started High School, my life is ten times worse.
Sister has the intellectual level of a second grader. I'm taking all advanced classes. I'm passing all of my classes.
They love her more. She's perfect- blonde, blue eyes, cute, sweet, annoying, suck-up, won't ever leave me alone, always getting me in trouble for things she does...
My lover lives across the country. He's like a potent drug- if I don't have him, I get sick, shaky, depressed. I can't live without him. I don't need anything but him.
Nobody understands but him.
That's why I love him- because he's the only one who understands me.
I have no friends at school. Why? I don't want friends. I want him.
I sound totally freaky and lifeless right now- but all my life, I've been waiting for someone like him, and now that he's here, it's even better than I imagined it would be.
I love him.
That's not even enough to describe it- there aren't words to describe it. I need him to live.
I can't have him with me.
It's killing me- slowly, yes, so slowly it's barely noticeable, but it's killing me, suffocating me, drowning me, starving me...
Each day seems longer and longer...
What's the point?
Daily, I wonder what the point of life is. Is it even worth it? Is life really worth living?
Even if it is worth it- don't we all die in the end anyway?

Miss