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Lucky lucky.
I knew was lucky and fortune compare to my cousin. Able to go to American and live a good life. Spoiled when I was a young age sometimes. Able to learn in such a nice environment. Alway learning at a fast pace. Living in a peaceful socility. However I never knew why I was really lucky and this made me feel so sad. One day, I made my mom mad, over a simple thing. I guess she must have been a in a bad mood that day.
She called me stupid. I have no problem calling me stupid or lazy. I know I'm not stupid since I was quite bright although I have a very twisted view of the world.
But she said something that hurt me so much and I alway wonder why ...
She said " You're lucky.So lucky, why do you have to be so disrespectful and stupid ? I had many babies before you but I aborted them . I was about to abort you too but I didn't want too. If I knew you would like this, i would have aborted you a long time ago " This quote brought tears from my eyes. Tears that I did not know exist for such a harsh statment. Why would I be so hurt from that ? I know a lot about abortion and it's reason. I seen all the picture of the dead fetuses and I shed no tears nor show no remorse yet what she said got to me. I cried a little a lot knowing this . Even when I didn't want to and just want to repress it , to hold the feeling in . I couldn't. It just kept coming out. Tear of sadness. I thought it was funny a little bit. I guess , the stress and year of repression finally came bursting out.