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Omgg its Kai - August 5th.
Every single time I see you go online, I count the minutes until you sign off, knowing that I won't be able to talk to you the way I have previously. I wait until the very last second where I know that you'll be alright, and I won't. As long as you're going at life stronger than me, that's all I care about. I try not to be a selfish person, because I know you'd want the best for others as well. You're too caring, you're too amazing to give up on. I know I'm too young, I know I have my life ahead of me, I know too many things already. I do also know that I'd never want to lose touch with you. That would just be a wreck. I mean, seriously now, I would never want anything horribly wrong to happen to you. It would make me feel like nothing I could even describe. It's hard on me, to even think about you ever giving up on yourself. Never give up the fight, please, even though it may seem hard, unfair, and definitely challenging, I know that you have a good heart, and will always have the best of intentions on others and other things. Please never lose that touch. Please never lose your true self. In the end, I know you'll be someone successful, and someone who will be able to make someone smile as much as you've made me with just your presence. There's never a sad moment with you, there's never a dull moment with you. There's nothing wrong with you on the outside, inside, everywhere. Just remember that. And don't ever think that you're not good enough for anything. Because you should know that in my mind, in my heart, you'll always be just perfect the way you are. I wish you could just realize, that everything i've ever said to you, and every word that I will ever say to you, count for something. I still hestitate before I IM you, and I still go crazy every time I see a response. Those little things, make my mind go nuts. Those little things make my head spin out of control. Sometimes I wish you just paid attention more to the little things like I do. I always have. I always paid attention. I just hope that one day you realize that I was always right here if you needed me. Every single time you needed someone, every single time you needed a shoulder to cry on, every time you needed just someone to talk to, I was and still will be always here. I swear to you, I'd pick up for you at 3am, I'd run to you at 6 in the morning to save you, I'd do just about anything for you. If you would just feel the same way about me. But hey, I know you're going through some things to, and like I said, I'm not the kind to be selfish, I'm not the kind of person who would just leave you hanging off a cliff like that, I'm not that way. I'm more than that, I've learned that. Sometimes, I wish you could be just right in front of me at some moments in life so that I could just say "I love you" to your face, and not over the internet, not over the phone, over a text message, but to you. I wouldn't want anything awkward to happen to us though, because I know that I've grown to love you as a friend too. But honestly, nobody has made me feel the way I've felt for you. I dream at night, thinking about the most negative things, about you. I sometimes come to believe that it's all real, when I know it's just my imagination running through my brain. I know I'll never be good enough for you though, because I know you deserve better than someone like me. But at the same time I really can't handle not letting this feeling be able to get the hell off my damned chest. I want to tell you, i can't tell you, I won't tell you, but I can and will. It's a rollercoaster ride. That's what it feels like to love someone like you.
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