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I was almost certain of it...
The colors red and black was all I saw...
It horrified me...
It scared me so much that it was hard to breathe.
Especially the woman with the lipstick...
She scared me the most...
Then she asked me what was the matter,
And I cant remember what happened next.
I just remember being in my bed with Mari over me.
He was talking to me about something...
but I couldn't seem to focus...
I saw his lips move but... I couldn't understand...
It was so weird...
Then I focused on his eyeshadow... it was so blue...
so pretty..
it reminded me of a cats collar.
Then I remembered my first cat...
and what happened to it...
I guess I was crying by that time because mari looked sad.
And he tried to make me laugh.
I wanted to laugh, but I couldn't.
I kept picturing the cat.
Suffering like it did.
And how it died so slowly...
all I could do was watch.
I remember it's last kick...
and then no movement at all.
I've always wanted to die like that.
She always said it was what i deserved...
For not being a girl...
for not being as good as Mari...
For being so worthless
For making her life a burden...
For being Reiko...
Why did she say that?
Am I really that way?
Deep down...
I know I'm... not really innocent...
I sometimes do things...
That I dont want to do...
but...everyone does that?
Right?
Not just me...
And...if I really wanted...
I could show her...
Then she'd love me...
right?
I've always wanted her to...
I love her...
isn't that enough?