♫  ♫
I don't know what's wrong with me. I sobbed, to the point where I couldn't breathe, before I showered. And last night when I was being ignored, I kept having all these suicidal thoughts. :[ All my depression is coming back. I thought I had it under control. I need Prozac or some anti-depression medication.
I always text either Pat or Brendan about my stupid feelings or I always vent to them. I think Pat is mad at me because I won't lock my bedroom door. I shouldn't have to lock my door to not have my stuff stolen in my own house.
I text Pat saying, "I hate having my stuff stolen." Then he sent this text, "THEN LOCK YOUR FRIGGEN DOOR." I started to cry. He's never yelled at me via text before... that was the first time he yelled at me or got angry enough to do that. I know that if he was right in front of me, he would have yelled at me.
I just always cry and I don't know why. Today, all the feelings of when I was abused as a kid were brought back. I had to apologize for everything, even if it wasn't my fault. I always apologize for everything when I'm with Pat, and he gets frustrated because even when he tells me not to, I still do. I haven't told him why I always apologize...
I just feel so inferior to everybody and everything. I feel like I don't matter in anybody's life. Pat's the perfect man. He could get any girl he wants. But he's stuck with me. I feel really bad, because I'm not pretty or very smart or anything. :[ I want to be the perfect girl for Pat.
♫ ♫
 CaRto0nz · Thu Jul 17, 2008 @ 09:19pm · 0 Comments |
