o(≧∀≦)o
...for a lot.
It's to be expected, it's gonna be the busiest toughest two weeks of my life... but I have things to look forward to and friends who are there for me... if things stay like this, I should be all right.
We'll be getting a call soon about visiting my Nanny in the chapel of rest... it's either tomorrow or Thursday. I'm scared. I have so much I never got the chance to say (I mentioned in a previous couple of blogs that my Dad and Emma couldn't handle me and my brother together so they left me at home which was my last chance I could have seen my Nanny). I'm hoping that Dad and Emma will leave me on my own in there with her. I don't want them to see or here me cry and speak... there is so much I have to get off my chest. And obviously... I'm the only Granddaughter that is s**t at expressing their feelings, so she needs to know I really do love her too.
s**t, I'm crying again.
I'm not wearing my noseband to the chapel of rest or for the funeral and burial. It's gonna be a huge funeral, but it'll be beautiful too. The coffin bearers (all 5 sons) are getting matching blue shirts 'cos Nanny's fave colour was blue. And for the 12 grand kids... (YUP, they're including me even though I'm not a blood relative <333) we all get a flower each in blue to put on the top of the coffin. I think it's so lovely. Mum agrees with me and others do too, that I should wear the noseband for the wake... for the pure fact that Nanny wouldn't want to change anything for the sake of her. Also, it's kinda my sign of respect towards her, wearing a noseband in blue. (That and I don't own any blue clothes) >.<
It's gonna be tough, but we'll all pull through this. I have to make sure I don't listen to Cassis or Freesia or Rinne no Tsumi on the way cos I'll cry so bad before I get there. I'm going to see if I can muster the courage to speak before everyone in the church too... I want to do that so much too.
<3
Nanny
RIP
ONTO OTHER THINGS!!!
I'm gonna finally get off my a** and write my the GazettE fanfic... I mean, since my first Reita Sex dream, There was so much I could have actually worked with. You'll hate me all for stealing Reita (well, he steals me) but there's Ruki and Reita past stuff, Aoi and Uruha, Kai and Aoi past stuff, Kai and MYV past and present, Ruki and Kai... theres so much I know I can work with. That and, I like writing dirty stuff in detail... albeit, I'm a little too good at it and make the dirtiest women in the world (my Dad's girlfriend and my best friend (debatable)Emma) sound like Mother Teresa, XD
So yeah, that and some more pics. I have commissions on the go again too to rope in extra cash for Kagrra and MUCC and for when I visit people to get me out of Lincoln. Urk, this place kills me... it really does. It's a bad bad place, and I need friends now.
Goin out with Darryn and two of his friends on Thursday too... sometime after the chapel of rest, but I'll need the friendship, so it'll do me some good. I'm seeing my special Katie soon too. Missed her like hell, and I need the mini holiday of fun-ness! XD
...for a lot.
It's to be expected, it's gonna be the busiest toughest two weeks of my life... but I have things to look forward to and friends who are there for me... if things stay like this, I should be all right.
We'll be getting a call soon about visiting my Nanny in the chapel of rest... it's either tomorrow or Thursday. I'm scared. I have so much I never got the chance to say (I mentioned in a previous couple of blogs that my Dad and Emma couldn't handle me and my brother together so they left me at home which was my last chance I could have seen my Nanny). I'm hoping that Dad and Emma will leave me on my own in there with her. I don't want them to see or here me cry and speak... there is so much I have to get off my chest. And obviously... I'm the only Granddaughter that is s**t at expressing their feelings, so she needs to know I really do love her too.
s**t, I'm crying again.
I'm not wearing my noseband to the chapel of rest or for the funeral and burial. It's gonna be a huge funeral, but it'll be beautiful too. The coffin bearers (all 5 sons) are getting matching blue shirts 'cos Nanny's fave colour was blue. And for the 12 grand kids... (YUP, they're including me even though I'm not a blood relative <333) we all get a flower each in blue to put on the top of the coffin. I think it's so lovely. Mum agrees with me and others do too, that I should wear the noseband for the wake... for the pure fact that Nanny wouldn't want to change anything for the sake of her. Also, it's kinda my sign of respect towards her, wearing a noseband in blue. (That and I don't own any blue clothes) >.<
It's gonna be tough, but we'll all pull through this. I have to make sure I don't listen to Cassis or Freesia or Rinne no Tsumi on the way cos I'll cry so bad before I get there. I'm going to see if I can muster the courage to speak before everyone in the church too... I want to do that so much too.
<3
Nanny
RIP
ONTO OTHER THINGS!!!
I'm gonna finally get off my a** and write my the GazettE fanfic... I mean, since my first Reita Sex dream, There was so much I could have actually worked with. You'll hate me all for stealing Reita (well, he steals me) but there's Ruki and Reita past stuff, Aoi and Uruha, Kai and Aoi past stuff, Kai and MYV past and present, Ruki and Kai... theres so much I know I can work with. That and, I like writing dirty stuff in detail... albeit, I'm a little too good at it and make the dirtiest women in the world (my Dad's girlfriend and my best friend (debatable)Emma) sound like Mother Teresa, XD
So yeah, that and some more pics. I have commissions on the go again too to rope in extra cash for Kagrra and MUCC and for when I visit people to get me out of Lincoln. Urk, this place kills me... it really does. It's a bad bad place, and I need friends now.
Goin out with Darryn and two of his friends on Thursday too... sometime after the chapel of rest, but I'll need the friendship, so it'll do me some good. I'm seeing my special Katie soon too. Missed her like hell, and I need the mini holiday of fun-ness! XD
![[[Lady of Nox]]](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/05/0a/5af957fee0a05.png?t=1289954510_6.00_00 "[[Lady of Nox]]")
