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s**t HAPPENS
Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion s**t List


Taoism: s**t happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "s**t happens."
Buddhism: If s**t happens, it isn't really s**t.
Zen Buddhism: s**t is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of s**t happening?
Hinduism: This s**t has happened before.
Islam: If s**t happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If s**t happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If s**t happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If s**t happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let s**t happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This s**t was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if s**t happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if s**t happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist: s**t that happens to one person is just as good as s**t that happens to another.
Unitarian: s**t that happens to one person is just as bad as s**t that happens to another.
Lutheran: If s**t happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism: If s**t happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Fundamentalism #2: If s**t happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
Fundamentalism #3: s**t must be born again.
Judaism: Why does this s**t always happen to us?
Calvinism: s**t happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventism: No s**t shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism: God made all s**t.
Secular Humanism: s**t evolves.
Christian Science: When s**t happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
Christian Science #2: s**t happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this s**t.
Quakers: Let us not fight over this s**t.
Utopianism: This s**t does not stink.
Darwinism: This s**t was once food.
Capitalism: That's MY s**t.
Communism: It's everybody's s**t.
Feminism: Men are s**t.
Chauvinism: We may be s**t, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism: Let's package this s**t.
Impressionism: From a distance, s**t looks like a garden.
Idolism: Let's bronze this s**t.
Existentialism: s**t doesn't happen; s**t IS.
Existentialism #2: What is s**t, anyway?
Stoicism: This s**t is good for me.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good s**t happening!
Mormonism: God sent us this s**t.
Mormonism #2: This s**t is going to happen again.
Wiccan: An it harm none, let s**t happen.
Scientology: If s**t happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< s**t happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our s**t?
Jehovah's Witnesses #3: s**t has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only really happy s**t happens.
Hare Krishna: s**t happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this s**t!
Zoroastrianism: s**t happens half on the time.
Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
Practical: Deal with s**t one day at a time.
Agnostic: s**t might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic #2: Did someone s**t?
Agnostic #3: What is this s**t?
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism: What s**t?
Atheism #2: I can't believe this s**t!
Nihilism: No s**t.

And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: s**t happens-one day at a time!