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Reflection: Bobcat Awakening 26, February 29-March 2, 2008, Texas State

Let me see if I can remember this like last time (last time, I was typing good before my cpu froze and I had to shut down before posting)...

My brother, Patrick, has been trying to get me to attend Bobcat Awakening for a long time. Since high school, even, knowing I was planning on going to Texas State for school, told me that I MUST attend at least ONE B.A. before I graduated college. Once I got to college, that was far from my mind; I had to get adjusted to my new lifestyle. Every semester, he asked me, "Are you going to B.A. this semester?" "Did you have [insert weekend date] open?" "Did you fill out the paperwork I sent you?" Each answer was the same: No. I had too many other things to focus on: (1) school of music classes, performances, and concerts, (2) Tau Beta Sigma events and functions, and (3) working mostly two jobs at one time.

Misty May was trying to get me to go, too; she knew Patrick from B.A., and they got together to get me to go (she's in Kappa Kappa Psi, the brotherhood fraternity of Tau Beta Sigma). She KNEW I didn't have anything planned B.A. weekend in Spring 2008, so she told Patrick that I will have NO EXCUSE TO NOT GO. Later on, he gave me a call and said, "I know you don't have anything going on that weekend. I already paid for you; all you have to do is fill out and turn in the form." And so I did.

Friday, February 29, 2008:
I hurry back to my apartment from school to pack for the weekend... and so that I wasn't late to get to the parking lot. When I got there, I saw other people with suitcases, duffels, pillows, and blankets like myself, so I assumed they were waiting for the same thing I was. I join the crowd and kind of kept to myself; I hardly knew anybody except for one person. The buses soon arrived with B.A. staffers (all of which I did not know) to check us on to the bus and pack up our stuff. All set and ready to go, we all headed out.

On our way, I fell asleep; it was a surprisingly relaxing nap for a TxState Tram bus (the nice ones, though, with the pictures on each side). Just south of Austin - somewhere between Buda and Kyle, I think - I woke up to a sudden chatter of everybody talking, and there was somebody new sitting next to me. We played a "get-to-know-you" game where the inside-seaters circled around each set of seats to meet the outside-seaters; after a full round, that was that (I found out later that, when the staffer asked if anybody was sleeping, I was the only one sleeping...oops, but hey, I participated!). I met quite a few people, and, like some people, I forgot most of them. I did meet several interesting people, however, and I wish I remembered them all. I think I was the only music major in that game; several others were like, "oh, yeah, I played in my high school band." I remember a flutist, a couple clarinetists, and a French hornist!

We finally arrived and began unloading to the hustle and bustle of more B.A. staffers dressed in rather unusual attire (don't ask, don't tell). They split us up between boys and girls, and they showed us our bunk-bed rooms; we picked our beds and settled. Then some staffers came in and told us to form a line. Bobcat Awakening #26 was on. THIS WAS GOD'S TIME.

When it was my turn to enter the room, I was a bit overwhelmed to say the least; I don't think I was smiling at all. I was kind of looking around as I was being led to my table, trying to comprehend what all I was seeing. I sat at my table with a small group of retreatants that I now call my B.A. family, parents and all.

Once all the retreatants were at their tables, we started with an activity; I volunteered myself from my family. I have a picture to prove this: I wanted to open up, but I was bottled up inside and I just didn't seem very happy. My heart and soul said "stay" when my head and body said "get away." I was upset with myself because I wanted to have a good time, but being new, not knowing anybody, etc, etc, etc, I just couldn't. Especially being such an outgoing person, I thought I would have been better at getting to know new people. I think it was just the overwhelming part that kept me back.

Later that evening, we had a special "ceremony" of sorts; I cried. The priest's speech was reflective and used a visual reference that made me understand in a way I could relate. I could feel His energy and message, and I wanted to reconcile so incredibly badly. But I could not; I knew that if I made a promise to never do "it" again, I would break it. It would hurt my conscience to break a promise to my God. Instead, I went to a pew, sat down before His altar, and I cried an prayed with myself to Him. I cried for a while before I went back to my table. I was in a bit of regret that I didn't reconcile, but there will be other times.

Soon enough, Friday night was over, and I rested in my bed for the night, contemplating what all else may happen. I mean, it was overwhelming already; I couldn't even begin to imagine a full day's worth of praise & worship, music, messages... everything. I told myself to just wait it out and see what the new day brings.

To Be Continued...