I guess I lost a brother!? I don't know what happened. I love him, but I guess he doesn't love me back! I miss the times of us hanging out, laughing, going out past our "bed times" and just talking! I want it back, but I don't think he does. I know that I'm younger than him. I know that I'm a girl... that wasn't a problem before. I know he has have a life, I know he's grown up. But why did he grow away from me? Why doesn't he want to talk to me? Why doesn't he want me around? I don't want to give up, but it's starting to turn out that that's gonna be my only option. When will the pain stop!? When will I stop crying myself to sleep? I'm losing everyone in my life, one by one, slowly but surely. What tore us away from each other? Was it my being a bisexual? Was it my being a Wiccan? Was it my being a tom-boy and not girly?
How many times should I keep asking myself these questions and then pushing them to the back to let them grow? Did I do a bad thing by telling him what I thought about his girlfriends? Was it wrong that I told him that some of the words he said had hurt me so bad that I went and cut to take away the thought of him saying it to me? I want to take everything in my life back. Anything that hurt him, hurt our friendship, I want to take it all back. I can’t now and so I just sit here wondering how I can mend everything back together. A lot of people think that this is natural to feel like this. But, if it is, then why do I keep hurting so badly!? I know it shouldn’t hurt like this. I know there are fights that we’ll get into seeing as we’re siblings, but this can’t be one of those. I try to talk to him, but he just walks away, or says that I sound stupid. I just want to be able to talk to him, like the old times. I don’t want to be thrown out of his life. He gave me my life back, when I was about to steal it away from the world. My nephew is so lucky to have him as a father. I just wish I could have him as a brother again.
 Spartan979_musik6-13-05 · Thu Jun 12, 2008 @ 05:02am · 2 Comments |
