Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

My heart races as I sit alone in this house. The light that invaded through the windows, the angle of the sun in the morning sky, the misty light that shot through the trees... It was all too familiar and too foreign to me. It brought- No, rather made memories of days and hours past return to me. And the sounds of music from that time didn't help, either.

Another summer had come, and this would be the longest one yet... I reclined in my chair for a bit, carried on the sounds of the music. I drifted back, as far back as three summers ago... Back to when the spiral of my chaos was in it's reversible stage...

I was only fourteen then... That was the first time I ever went to Canada. I was with mom and Kris at the time. It was chilly there for summer, you know? We stayed over my mom's best friend's place. She was a nice woman, and I was attached to her. She was like a second mom to me. Haha. She spoiled me whenever I was there or when she was here. My first dusk, my second dawn... I witnessed a sunrise like none I'd ever seen before. It was so serene. The area was rather peaceful which really helped the sunrise. I had just finished watching InuYasha and Case Closed after storming through channel after channel looking for something familiar. My heart was at peace then. The furies and storms that exist within now were only clouds in my hearts skies back then. I knew it was something, that sunrise.

Many other events occurred while I was in Canada, believe that. It was an adventure in foreign lands... And I honestly hope to return someday so I could see that sunrise, that serene dawn one day. Maybe then... I'll find the peace I've been searching for.

I then though about the summer after that one... Two thousand six. It was a strange summer for me. I recall it as the same summer my parents and older brother vanished from my life. That's probably because I was never home that time... I spent most of that summer with Sharaz, my awesome cousin. I viewed a lot of dawns that summer as well. Misty, rainy, murky, bright, dim... I also slew a bunch of dragons, beasts and wyverns that summer... Every morning I'd channel surf and wait for "In Over My Head" to come on. This summer, though it felt like I was in a foreign place once more, I wasn't. I was in another part of my own back yard. Even still, I learned new things, saw new faces and old, and spent the loneliest 4th of July ever. That night, power was out. The fireworks were doused by the mist in the high skies. Hahaha. I sat on the stairs and though.

The darkness, the complete darkness brought solitude. Even then, I was able to stop the drizzle in my heart. I never felt pain then, only joy. I used to smile back then. I used to belong somewhere.

Last summer began when I heard "Season's Call". I desired an adventure. I desired to explore a different area, a new frontier. I didn't know my wish would be granted in the strangest way possible. But I still got my wish. I was being sent to summer school to make up a credit I'd flunked out on. I didn't want that. I thought it woulda been a drag, a hell on earth. It was one of the best times of my life. I began attending Crossland Summer School class of 07. I saw a few familiar faces there and met a few new ones. It was also the same summer I mastered the public transit system. Every morning I'd wake up around 5:40, get dressed, eat breakfast and left to catch the bus. I enjoyed that. Meeting up with Swann and his friends outside of the school every morning. It was kinda chilly in the mornings that summer, too.

But as we all know, all good things must eventually come to an end... And so it did. On the last day, I had a lot of time remaining until the next bus rolled by. So after I grabbed the slip saying I passed summer school and returned my book, I wandered the area for a good while... I was alone with nothing but my PSP and former cell phone. I traversed further down the metro line, never daring to stray away from it as it was my only way home. After the heat of the morning sun took it's toll on me, I decided to pick a stop and wait. At that time, the storms came. I thought I was in love with her then. I was wrong. And by then, the storms became irreversible. The chaos had begun. I'd lost my place in the world for her sake.

Even though I've let go of her, the feelings, the memories, everything... I can't find my place in the world once more. I'm a social wreck. I'm a people person without people. A harsh realization I came to not too long ago...

With Sharaz gone, my car out of service at the moment and no real friends on this end...

I recline in this chair and look up at the ceiling. My heart races as the memories come and go. I won't cry for them to return to being. I won't seek them out. I'll continue to fight to regain my place in this world.

I'll fight for everything I lost. I'll fight to stop the furies and the storms.

This will be my longest summer to date.

-Shaun