I've found a song that fits me pretty well. I'm going on a b it of a rant because I'm a bit of an emotional wreak right now.
The Tower
Vienna Teng
The one who survives by making the lives
Of others worthwhile
She's coming apart
Right before my eyes
They all depend so much on me... I wonder why? I'm so weak... I don't see how they can't see that.
They still come to me for every petty problem they have, and know that as soon as they come to me with a frown, I'll do something to change that. Whatever it is.
The one who depends on the services she renders
To those who come knocking
She's seeing too clearly what she can't be
What understanding defies
I've learned so much about myself there's little left to learn, so I go to my friends and find every aspect of their personality.
I need them to ask for advise, so I don't have to pay attention to my problems that'll soon crush me. I want to change so badly and I simply... can't.
She says I need not to need
Or else a love with intuition
Someone who reaches out to my weakness and won't let go
Every time someone gets close enough to pull me from my pathetic thoughts, I either push them away or they leave.
Everyone gives up on me. Why can't I give up on them, too?
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
But now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow
And while everyone views me as so strong, I'm withering and they see.
It's almost as if they're afraid to lose that rock, so come to me with more force, as if to say "You'll never help me again, so help me with the biggest problem."
She turns out the light anticipating night falling
Tenderly around her
And watches the dusk
The words won't come
The darkness is so empty that I envy it. I want to be hallow as well, to not even notice the pending sunlight that will destroy me.
I can't even think about these things anymore without crying.
She carries the act so convincingly the fact is
Sometimes she believes it
That she can be happy the way things are
Be happy with the things she's done
I put on that strong mask that's so overbearing that sometimes I forget to take it off.
And as a result, those pent up emotions grow, and it breaks without my consent.
And yet I need not to need
Or else a love with intuition
Someone who reaches out to my weakness and won't let go
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
But now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow
The snow that is my sorrow is too cold to ignore anymore, and I'm left with nothing by destroying winter.
Reach out
But hold back
Where is safety
There's no safety for me anymore.
Or at least, I can't find it.
Reach out
And hold back
Where is the one who can change me
Where is the one
The one
The one
I've lost sight of what I'm looking for anymore.
Reach out
But hold back
Where is safety
Why do I continue looking for the so-called safety?
Reach out
And hold back
Where is the one who can save me
Where is the one
The one
The one
I'm lost within myself.
And yet I need not to need
Or else a love with intuition
Someone who reaches out to my weakness and won't let go
No one is patient enough to stay and pull me out.
The numbness is coming on too fast.
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
But now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow
Blood-tainted snow.
But now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow
Danger and power
Friend and foe
Who's who anymore?
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