today was different it started out with me have a really good day, talking to buddy i haven't seen in a long time. about travel and money me working and school etc. then out of now where a hadthis bad feeling that lead to me looking for my dearily beloved blade, i found it and right when i was about to slit my arm, i cut (not to try to kill mysef just for the pain) i thought of everything that happen not cutting for months ( not like i got better, my will power did) and staying strong for my sister. but in the end i cut myself not deep just the feel of the blade was all i needed.
i feel like druggy or a drunk, just the sight of it calmed me down. what the hell is that about? i wonder is this how the girls for the book crank and glass feel just a look can calm you? but i know one thing my crazy a** family isn't helping in fact they don't know i cut. i hid it well, because mostly i keep to myself. now i just have to keep this will power thing just long enough till i can move away.
if only they knew how i felt about things, they will never listen to me whjat do i know i'm just a little kid. i feel like i'm trapt in this stupid world they made for me, and eveytime i step out of line or say something there don't wantto hear they tighten the ropes. i just realizes the other day a gave up one of my many lovers. the love of writing cuz well there nothing to write about then me dying. i really need to get out of here soon. well i would like to scream at (myfam) them to ******** off leave my life to me, let me fall a break my leg before i fly. just like the word from a song i wrote.
i'm 18 not 13 i can make my own changes in my live so leave me be i can make my own changes. well that the rant for today. later days sweatdrop sweatdrop
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Just Me
everything that is going wrong or in some cases right in my life, it about nothing and everything most of my best stuff well worst. and depressing thougts.
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