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Ok i've figured out one of my many talents. Now I know a lot of people say this about me and I find it kinda quiet true. I'm a good person to talk to. Even if I can't fully understand your problems I'm always there to listen and help out as much as I can. Now even if I can't solve your problem. I usually will make you feel happy. Now I can't explain why but whenever I talk to females, they always get happy if their sad or angry. They usually cheer up. I dunno maybe I have this unusaul glow about me that just makes girls wanna smile. Hell I usually get calls from some girls when their upset to help them. But, I also do something that could be considered complelty terrible. With the girls on the net. I just kinda fall away after a bit. For the simple reason that sure I can make them happy now but what happens when they really need someone to talk and i've always been around so they didn't bother to find someone close to the to rely on. I know it's bad but it's for the benefit for them. I've created painful memories for them as well as myself. But I belive those good memories will help them carry on just a bit longer to find someone like me. Now belive me I feel guilty and sad everytime I do this. But, I've never failed in my methods yet. I've even checked up on a few and there really happy now. Me? I don't stay happy that much anymore. Sure I act cheerful around the people that know me in real life. But, They have no clue im actually quiet a sad guy. You know I'll get the odd "OH, Mark you look sad." Of course I deny it just saying "Nah just bored" or "I was thinking. I know it's not good to not share this kinda crap with your close friends but, If I told them this kinda stuff some of my friends would dissapear or I'd have others feeling sad for me. We can't have that now. But these sad spells which is what I call them because I'll just get really sad sometimes. See I also don't have all my emotions. They just kinda dissapeared. I never get mad yes I know say i'm lying all you want but truth is the only emotions I really have are. Being sad, happy, excited and the oh so powerful love. Which in my case I have to much. Do you know what it's like not being able to hate anyone? I tried to this one girl who cheated on me at this party in front of my face. I tried to hate her but I could'nt maybe because I sensed something more to it. Which there was. At the party my ex was there who I just broke up with. Well she was kinda all over me. Trying to kiss me and trying to go down my pants. But of course I don't cheat so I refused and she got mad at me. Now I won't say I wasn't irritated so I went outside for a little bit crossed huron line.-Which is one of the busiest streets where I live- I went there you know cool down cause we had the fire place going in this garage which is quiet cool actuall tv, steroe bathroom,pool table, Fridge stuffed with alcohol and a bed. Yes sounds like a little bachlor house. Anyways it was cold out so went outside now my ex comes across the street to look for me cause she was worried becuase I had seen my girlfriend who became my ex pretty quickly kiss this other guy. now I know I said I don't get mad but I did here I yelled at my ex because she just crossed this busy a** road while intoxicated by herself. Now I was more worried then mad here. I was afraid she would get hit or something. So I kinda picked her up and got across the street. I was still hot so I stayed out side. I was a little sad. But after remembering what it musta looked like to her I kinda got upset with my ex. But hell I kept drinking at the party. Got drunk and had to walk home. As soon as I was leaving my ex come up to ask for a hug. Now me being mark I never deny a lady a hug. But even though she was drunk she was quiet the crafty one. She says now I anit letting go till you kiss me. Now here's what going through my mind. She wants me to kiss her? why? Hell whatever I'll take it as a goodbye kiss and nothing more. "Now I know this sounds stupid but you gotta remember I'm trashed, she's trashed, and my girlfriend just cheated on me about an hour ago. Yet It didn't turn out to be a goodbye kiss It had more of a "why-did-you-break-up-with-me-again" feeling to it. Maybe she thought I liked this new girl more or something. Anyways I went home. which for me I should'nt have. This guy my girlfriend cheated on me with was going home. My ex was sleeping over in the same bad drunk and both bi and they both liked me. Now bad mistake on my part right? Nah if I coulda stayed I woulda but if I did her grandpa would have his crossbow on me. So I went home I rode my bike to my girlfriends house which this other guy was already there and told her it'd just be better to break up and stay friends. Of course when I say that I really mean it and where still friends to this day. Well we sat around for a bit watched a movie then me and my ex left becuase we had to take the same bus. It was sunday so buses run every hour. So taking the same bus as her was unaviodable. But at the bus stop we had discussed everything that had happend the night prior and decided to start dating again. Of course i'm still friends with the one that cheated on me but the other one not so much anymore we aere best friends till we dated. Moral? don't date your best friend. I think I just wrote a story so im going to stop now. Check out my journals next time to se my next random ramblings!