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It was pitch black and the only sound Adam could hear was a constant beeping. He felt nothing. Not his arms nor his legs and no emotions took place in his body.
I'm dead. It's over. No more sorrow. The pain is gone. It's all over. The beeping continued but Adam ignored it, waiting for what was supposed to come.
Finally after what seemed like an eternity spent hovering in a dark abyss, a tiny, slender slit of light appeared becoming brighter by the second. Feeling steadily began to return to his limbs and a tight knot formed at his stomach. Nausea took over as the distorted vision of the light became clearer and clearer. Adam heard muffled voices all around him or was it only one?
The beeping noise became louder and a sharp sting ran up his arm. A cold sweat broke out on his forehead and adrenaline briefly surged through his body as if someone had sunk his head under water and then after a few minutes brought him right back up with tremendous force. With his eyes fully open, he laid staring straight at the ceiling of the bright white room.
The smell of harsh sanitizers was overwhelming, making Adam want to puke. He felt a hard mattress under him and when he tried to move his hand up to his spinning head, nothing happened.
"I think he's coming around." A sweet and gentle looking woman leaned over Adam with a warm smile playing across her face. Where am I? Who is she? As the questions swarmed into his thoughts, his eyes roamed around but he was barely able to move his heavy head. He opened his mouth to speak but in its dryness his voice was lost.
"Sweetheart, don’t force yourself." He recognized that voice. It was that honey sweet voice that belonged the woman he called his mother. He couldn’t see her, but he flinched sharply when her cold hand touched his forehead.
"Oh hon. How are you feeling?" Adam painfully turned his head toward her and his eyes widened. They beeping to his right increased in speed. No, No, No! Why? Why am I still alive? No…please no. There she was, the woman who supposedly gave him birth. She was certainly a sight with her tight fitting jeans and black tube top. For a 40-year-old mother of 2 children, her figure surpassed those of most early 30-year-old women. Adam recognized that distinct beauty her face held. A harsh, cruel splendor framed by flowing golden hair.
How is it that such a gorgeous woman can strike so much fear into the rebellious 16-year-old? How can her sweet smile make Adam want to plead the nurse to inject him with a lethal poison?
"How are you feeling?" She asked again with the same lovely smile. Adam ignored her question and concentrated on moving his arms and legs. I have to get out. I cant be alive! He heard soft whimpers echoing in his mind, then realized they were vibrating from his throat. Still, the machine kept time to his heart beat and although he wasn’t cold under the thick white duvets, he was trembling.
"Adam?" The nurse called and he eagerly turned his head, glad for an excuse to look away from his mother's face. " I know you feel a bit drowsy because you have been sleeping on medications for two days now. We're going to run some tests to see how your blood level is doing and if everything goes good you'll be able to go home in a couple of days alright?" A frown spread across her face as the beeping became even more erratic. 'Home' was the last place he wanted to go.
Adam felt a pit form at his stomach and oxygen could barely make its way to his lungs. With much effort, he lifted his head from the bleached white pillow. Although the pain in his was impossibly unbearable, he quickly scanned the simple hospital room with a navy blue curtain to his left, probably separating him from the overly emotional and suicidal patients.
He accumulated enough saliva in his dry mouth to speak one word "Edward." Just as he said it, regret filled him. His throat burned like the flames that rested on the sun's surface. Adam winced and his mother sighed deeply.
"He's at work, but he'll be at home when u get back okay? Nurse? I'm going out for a while." She stated rubbing both her arms up and down, smoothing over the goose bumps. She turned to Adam and said "It'll only take a while." She softly stoked Adams hair then pulled back his bangs. She traced the white scar the crossed through his right eye brown, a smirk in her eyes. She quickly turned on her heel and disappeared behind the curtain.
Adam longed for the mother she once used to be. The sweet kindness that always glowed inside of her heart had blown away and he yearned for its return. Another sting settled in his right arm and in a matter of seconds, his vision darkened and he was once again hovering in his despair
. . . .
Of course, she didn’t return that day. The time that followed, Adam mostly slept. He tried watching old game shows through the small outdated television in the room, but he constantly zoned out. They cut the I.V. and tried feeding him insipid soups from the hospital cafeteria, but in those two days post-suicidal depression hit like a bomb. The days blended into a blur filled with morphine and more medications, tests, and no visits not even from the person he wanted to see the most. Before he knew it, he was changing into his old clothing and headed toward the check-out counter.
Adam squinted at the bright rays that warmed his pale skin as he wobbled dizzily into the parking lot. Rachel was already in the car lighting up a cigarette and wiggling it between her thumb and index finger, a obvious sign of impatience.
Whispers in his mind began their murmurs. You can't go with her. You have to tell someone…the authorities. No, be reasonable if you do that it'll be worse for you, just go with her. You can’t live like this forever Adam. You can't live at all. "Shut up!" Adam leaned against the column right by the entrance door holding his head to quiet his thoughts. A fragile looking lady turned to ask if he was alright and when the boy assured her that he was fine, she smiled kindly and continued her slow pace toward the automatic doors.
Adam took a deep breath and quickly made his way to the station wagon, not wishing to further upset his mother. They didn’t exchange a single word during the entire ride. Adam sat in the back seat listening to Rachel yell at someone on the other side of her cell phone. She kept repeating the words " idiot kid " so Adam figured she was probably talking to his grandmother. He wasn’t really paying attention; his thoughts taunted him once more. To keep himself from yelling and clutching his head he picked at the white bandages that wrapped around his wrists.
The smell of sickness and chlorine still lingered in his nostrils, giving Adam a nauseous feeling that worsened greatly when Edwards car wasn’t parked next to the shabby looking house. He was alone with Rachel until his brother returned from his late night shift.
Trying to control his racing heart, Adam slid out of the car sear and followed his mother through the front door. He again toyed with the bandages when he entered and saw Rachel standing with her back to him, one hand holding a cigarette and the other placed on her hip. She patiently put the cigarette out on the ash tray by her.
"Mom I--" Contact between the back of Rachel's hand and Adam's cheek made a loud noise that echoed throughout the half empty living room. The slap had so much force that it made Adam stumble to the side, but he quickly regained his composure and looked down at the floor with tearless eyes.
" You…" She began with a low voice that sounded much like a snarl. Another slap turned his other cheek the same bright pink color. " You enjoy ruining my life don’t you? Don't you?!" Her honey sweet voice grew louder and turned into bitter vinegar.
" Do you know how much that hospital bill is going to cost me?!"
"I-I'm sorry."
" Shut up! " This time it wasn’t a slap. Her knuckle connected hard with his lip causing it to split a ooze blood. Adam moaned and brought his hand up to his mouth, instantly wanting time to reverse. The second strike hit him on the temple making his eyes black out for a couple of seconds. His head spun like the many thrill rides at the county fair, but what Adam experienced wasn’t much of a joy ride.
" Listen to me…" Rachel grabbed the boys collar and pushed him against the door ramming the knob into his lower back. He closed his eyes wishing he were brave enough to fight back. Most children at fourteen begin to think themselves rebellious and as good as any adult. The scar that crossed through his eyebrow reminded of the consequences of really crossing his mother. Adam hasn't even thought about ever trying to take her cigarettes again and Edward found a nice hiding place for the sharp knives.
" Do you really want to die? " Her fingers gripped around his chin, smearing the thick, warm, red liquid that still dripped from his lip. " If you really want to you cant let me know and Ill help you out as best as I can. " Rachel's eyes burned into Adams mind as if electricity surged from them. He couldn’t stop shaking even when Rachel finally let him go after rubbing her bloody hand all over his face.
It was more than a relief when the bedroom door slammed shut. Adam exhaled sharply, letting out the breath he had been holding for quite some time. He slid down the door and sat limp on the ground, sobbing with his face in his hands.
If you would have told the authorities beforehand none of this would be happening! You could have gotten away at the hospital, told one of the doctors! Your stupid! You don’t think! Cant you do anything?!
"Be quiet! Please shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Adam pulled on his jet black hair and tried to settle them down with a whisper-like shrieking voice of his own.