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I learned something the other day. Yes, its true you learn something every day, but this lesson was harsh. Want to know it?
No One is truly what they seem, everyone changes and nothing ever will stay the way it was.
You have to wonder what happened in life. Was it a mistake I made? Or was it inevitable? You see, I have a friend. For all intensive purposes im going to call her A. She has a brother, who Im gunna call B. Before me and Gwyd started goin' out, I had a crush on her brother. And we had a thing for awhile. We kissed a couple of times. He made me promise never to tell A. So I thought it was a promise worth keeping, and wouldnt say anything until he himself brought it up. Believe me, I wanted to tell her. Well, he did tell her. And I lied to her face about it. I never really had to lie about it - There had been rumors started that more happened than what really did, so I had told her the truth about those then, but never the entire truth I guess. So when the day came I lied to her, I just acted on instinct based on those damn rumors. Well, it bit me in the a**, and she was pissed at me. But then she said we were ok, not great but still friends.
The story doesnt end here.
I started going out with Gwyd again over eight months ago, exactly 8 months and 15 days ago. Heh. Then he moved here, and I rarely heard from her. I'd call her up, try to do things just the two of us, and we would. But she seemed distant, and it was never the same way it had been. She called me maybe once every two weeks or less. But I was with Gwyd alot, because his staying here with me was still up in the air, so I didnt want to miss my chance to be with him. It seems like ages ago. Then it was certain, and i made an effort to be with A more often. Things were really good, I guess. But still not the same. School started again, and I think she may have called me twice over the entire two months. Perhaps three times. I guess I do spend alot of time with Gwyd, true, but thats because no one asks me to do anything anymore. Its not like normally over the summer I see alot of my friends anyway.
So to me things seemed back to normal with my friend. She barely talked to me, and I wondered if I was loosing her. Then something happened that really really really hurt. A burn on my soul. I asked her if she wanted to do something with me this weekend, not for halloween, just to hang out. She told me she would think about it. Not five minutes later she turned around to her other friend, who she has been spending more and more time with who I will call C. She asked C if she wanted to do somethign with her. Not five minutes after she told me she was working, and would have to check. It hurt. Then I realised it... we werent best friends anymore. Things had changed.
I asked her if she was ignoring me on purpose. If she was still mad, and she said yes. Although I lied to her she should understand. I didnt mean to hurt her, I came clean right away. I didn't like feeling like such a brat, and a jerk. I went out of my way to not get defensive and tell her all the things she has been lying to me about lately, or leaving out, or just avoiding telling me, or whatever so that she would understand I really really felt sorry. So I have to wonder... is she just making an excuse? Is it just another reason, a better reason than the fact that I have Gwyd in my life now not to be my friend? It hurts. Alot. I never thought she would be like that, but the more I look at things, the more sense it makes.
She told everyone she would never do drugs, now she is chronic. She gets so mad when people talk behind other peoples backs, but she does it often. She hates people who are in relationships, she thinks they make no time for anyone else... she also promised me she would never do that to me... and she wishes she had a boyfriend more than anything. She hates it when people talk about sex, it offends her, but refuses to realise that when she talks about drugs others get offended. She constantly puts down other peoples beliefs and says she is open minded. She tells people to not be hypocritical, and then acts like a hypocrite.
Every one has their faults, but I wish things would have stayed the way they were. I just wish I could have seen it... wish I could have seen her becoming one of those people, noticed what was happening between us, and most of all never have lied to her. Its true though, and I guess it took me awhile to realise it. I still haven't come to terms with it.
No One is truly what they seem, everyone changes and nothing ever will stay the way it was.
 Aria Draonacu · Sat Oct 30, 2004 @ 06:15am · 1 Comments |
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