Never before have I wanted to die as much as I do right now....never before, had I realized the depths of my insecurity...my lack of self esteem...my inability to cope with life in general.... They spoke lightly of those with low self esteem...referring to those with such, almost as if they were another species to be studied....to be understood.....
I couldn't stop the tears then...I felt like such a wimp...a push over......the tears still flow up until this very moment....if I could just stop them....maybe....just maybe I could become the person I wish to be.....but that seems like a distant dream.....I'll probably die before I'll ever make anything of myself.....it hurts so very much to think about it in such a way....but my line of thinking has been so terribly twisted as of late......I am no longer doing these things...for myself.......I used to think that I had goals.....ambitions....dreams....ideals......but with so many obstacles to overcome I somehow find myself slipping further and further......I wanted to make someone very happy someday......someone special to myself......but.......with me being me, I will never find that special someone...........I wanted to live for someone else...I wanted to be there for that person....but now I figure....I can't even do anything for myself.....
My teacher wanted to meet up with me.....I missed that.....I had homework...which I knew nothing about.....so there's one assignment gone already....I'm such a ******** loser......he wanted to meet with me.....perhaps to discuss things....but I didn't go.....I wanted to.....but I didn't know he meant right then and there....
All I know is....right now....I want to die......
Shinji_Takamine Community Member 
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Community Member
Don't hold back the tears; just let it go. You'll feel better...just don't hold your emotions in. But Shinji, you've already made something of yourself. You are a college student. You are a kickarse friend and artist. You are awesome. I know you want more and that there are obstacles as you say but overcome them. Obstacles are nothing more than little traffic cones in life. They can easily be conquered.
All people have goals, dreams, ambitions, ideas. They never leave the person. They're always there like a shadow in your mind. Look into the shadows and find them. They're never leaving.
Dude, you've got a special someone. Wren. I know...I know but dude, from how you talk about her, it sounds like you two are siblings you love her that much. If you can make her happy in any way possible then it's something. She may not be your future marriage persona but dude, every time you hang with her, every time you talk about her...you know you have her as a good friend.
Just tell him you had something to do. He'll understand. Try to set it up when you can meet him...maybe lunch or something. Try your homework....if it helps any reffer to your notes if you take any. (Basically has no idea what you guys do in college...is sorry). It'll work out.