|
...
I haven't written in this thing in forever. I don't really know why I started it cause I hate people knowing my personal thoughts and such. I guess you could say I have trust issues but I decided to add an entry cause I can sleep and I feel like hell. Me and my best friend are trying to move out and we are planing to be roommates because his parents sold their house and now he is going to be homeless. I don't mind though, staying here is driving me crazy. I realized something last week and now I can't stand the thought of staying here, not that it was easy before. I've lived my entire life for someone else. I've never been an individual, I've never been just me. I've always been my mother's daughter or so and so's friend. I'm halfway through my second year in collage and I feel like I haven't taken one step towards the person I want to be...I don't even know who that person is anymore. I don't think I would even know how to live my own life given the chance. It doesn't help that I'm a simple person with simple desires. I've never been overly social but I still have always had my few friends, granted I had to keep my given distance since most of them weren't real friends but they did fill the void but now everyones gone. All I have is David, which is a lot but affiliations with just one person in life is a lonely life to lead. It doesn't help that someone I thought was my close friend has more or less abandoned me but he was always to absorbed with himself to see any part of the world around him that didn't directly effect him. It didn't matter to me though he was still my friend but losing one of two is a heavy loss. I guess I'm just feeling a lonely and insecure right now and it helps that I know most of the friends I've made on here either don't check these kinda things or quit gaia, or we no longer talk, so I'm really not to worried about posting this.
|
