That is unless you like to laugh at pure angst. I don't blame you. Have a blast. If this makes someone smile in the end then at least I'll know that something somewhat positive came from it.
[******** ******** ******** YOU ALL! (All rants must start with the ******** word) Stupid, stubborn b***h trying not to do him favors when it's not ******** ABOUT HIM! YOU CHILDISH t**t! I have no way to see him on my own and you're going to risk denying me that just because you have a bratty little grudge? ******** you! I'd have paid for your damn gas! Not that it matters because once I get there all he's going to do is treat me like I'm stupid and unfit to be seen with in public places. Then I'll have to listen to him have stupid arguments with his wife. NEWS FLASH SIR! You and your wife are both in the wrong! Oh, and your marriage is going to FAIL! There's no chemistry between either one of you and you have nothing in common. How the ******** did you two last this long. The sex must be awesome or something. Or maybe you were just looking for the exact opposite of your old wife. I don't know, but you two were never meant to be and time is going to tell. TIME ALREADY TOLD AND YOU BOTH WERE TOO STUPID TO LISTEN! And stop assuming s**t about me and trying to teach me lessons that are ******** common sense! I'm not ******** two any more!
I wouldn't be where I am if you ******** didn't expect it of me. And you'll condemn me if I stray. All of you. Every single one of you, and the only mercy you'll grant me is gossiping about it behind my back and not to my face. I never wanted to go there. I need money to go somewhere better. I might not even go back. AND IT WOULD BE OK! I'm tired of walking on eggshells for all of you. I'm sick of hiding what I feel just so I wont have to listen to your mouths and your guilt trips. I'm going to be saving my money. Did you know that? It's either going to a better school or for gas money. The gas money is so I can drive as far away from all of you as I can get and not turning back until I'm good and ready. And only 1 of you got a hint about it and I doubt you'd make the connection. I'm drained emotionally and I'm not sure how much more can take. I'm not going to say I'm not at fault. Of course I'm at fault. I'm human, right? I should have tried harder. I shouldn't have procrastinated so many times. I should have spoke up. I should have argued. I should have stood my ground. You don't want me to make it for my happiness; you want me to make it for you. I thought I wanted to make it for you once. I wanted to make you proud of me, hell, I still do. In a way I've known my whole life that it would never work out. And it's not your fault. It was never your fault. If it was meant to be this way then that's how it will be. Let it go. My panic attacks are not as strong as they use to be and for the first time, and I'm kicking myself for admitting this, I wish I'd have them more often. That way, I'd have something to direct all this frustration at. I could turn it all into fear and come out refreshed when it was over. Maybe I just need the caffeine to trigger it. I can't believe what I'm asking for. B.I.G, you were right about "More money more problems." But allow me to state my view. Money is just problematic no matter how much you have. I miss when it wasn't my burden. Not that I want to be provided for. I just wish bullshit things didn't cost so much. If I want to learn something, I'll buy a book. Why do I should I be required to have it sung to me by some jerk for 50 times more than a book would cost me? For that matter, why should I have to jump through hoops just to pay those ********? To hell with the paper work! Just take the damn money so I can learn some s**t! Greedy bastards.
These systems and over expectations are making me feel like my life is wasting away.
I want to be free, but it's apparently a selfish desire. Come what may, I'm sick of sifting through this garbage. I'm sorry I'm a bad daughter.
Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwlliiiiiiiiiiing iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin myyyyyyyyyy skiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn
 TheWitchGotRobin · Fri Dec 28, 2007 @ 12:26pm · 0 Comments |
