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not feeling to hot...
I've seem to have gotten whatever my brother had and I'm pretty much wiped out. It sucks cuz I have two exams tomorrow and three more next week. I'm scared cuz I have to pass these classes this semester cuz I'm close to actually getting into my major and I don't know how many times I can repeat classes like this and still get into the graduate school... What really sucks is I really have no desire to be a respiratory therapist. I want to draw I love art and the history behind it. If I had my way I'd major in art history and maybe foreign languages. Unfortunately, not sure what I could actually do with that and make money. And thats is where the problem is my parents want me to be financially secure and so do I lol... Its just so hard when I know I really have no other motive than that which seems like motive enough find a good major and not live on the street sound good right? I don't know I guess its just go so crazy again when my brother calvin died this summer and I decided to take an incomplete I really wasn't in a fit state to take my final then but now with all these other finals I wonder would it have even made a difference. On top of all that I miss him so much it was bad enough that Tim my other brother died the summer before him. I know that they are in a better place and I know God is always in control even when I don't understand. I've reached a peace with it... It just hard cuz Calvin well he looks so much like our Dad I thought of him as like a second father too. I remember when I was younger I was so afraid of my dad dying and I kind of thought as my brother as like a replacement. I don't know ... I was weird child. I still have my brother and my sister and both my parents and I love them and am thankful for the time God has given us. I guess its close to Christmas and I never got to see Calvin much because he worked most time but holidays birthdays family reunions I was at least guaranteed to see him. Some days I just pray God would just give them back but then I think why would you leave heaven that would be cruel... I actually feel a little better now I guess all I needed was to write out my frustration lol If anyone has read this thanks lol cuz I don't think I would have lol. I pray everyone else is having a good week and a safe and happy holiday!
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