Talking about the situation with my mule just gets to me. There was a friend I was discussing it with today, on that account. I was telling him how I never meant to trick people into thinking I really was Reed. Then, by rather fitting coincidence, there was another friend who just found out about it and wanted to know if Reed was really a mule all that time. I feel awful all over again.
In using that account there were a few people that I hurt very deeply, at least one (maybe more) that may not even think of me as a friend anymore. And if so then I certainly can't blame them. Then of course, there were others who didn't take it quite as hard, and even a few acquaintances who thought it was brilliant.
What I really wish I could say to everyone I hurt, is how much all of those people mean to me. I've never been able to find the words. How can you tell someone that you care about them while simultaneously confessing that everything that you held yourself out to be was a lie? It just doesn't work. Still, I feel I have to say something.
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rotceh_the_ROTTEN's Gaia Journal
Totally random stuff, for the most part.
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