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Tonight is one of those days that it comes. Those thoughts that always happen. Lonesome and fear. Fear? Yes fear that there is nothing to live for, nothing to keep on trying. I fear nothing, not death,not the guy with muscles, nothing.Why did god give us this pathetic feelings that make living so hard for some but yet others have everything that you wish you had. Feeling? they make me laugh sometimes. God or whoever made us gave us this so that we can all suffer. Living and death are the same thing. You live or die living. This damned thoughts that keep coming to this house. Why? Is it time for me or something. There is nothing important about them since they are all about death and how death is the only thing that will satisfy you in the end. Why do we live? which is some thing that i keep asking my self. Live so that we have a better life, what kind of bullshit is that. Just put a bullet through you head and there, nothing to worry about. God is a cruel thing. Doing this to laugh at us while he sits and watches us commit suicide even fight amongst each other. This thoughts will haunt everyone forever. No matter what person you are. So many people here living for the same reason, just to go on. Life is pathetic ,worthless,meaningless. Nothing good comes from it. It will never end. Always see people suffer. Die,kill, and suffocate amongst their own worries. The world will never change no matter what. ******** this place. Let death be my path way to great life. I see my future, always dim and dark. Nothing really to look forward to. I see depression,lonesome, and darkness lurking around me. I see no bright future that every one else's sees. My future is nothing that i look forward to. Nothing at all. I feel happiness now but i now all that is good is always taken away and something bad is replaced by it.This is not a side i like to show everyone but it is in my life. Why do i smile? when i know im not happy. Why do i love? when love is nothing but a word and a feeling that does not exist. Why? What the ******** is this life that i am leaving. Hahahahah....Sometimes i think that all this is a dream. Soon that thing will wake up and i will disappear. Ahh..for i wait for that moment to come. Depression is a friend of mine that never shows its face to my friends. Always hiding the things that hurt. I know im not alone, but i know that i will soon be. i know there is nothing for me in this world. You see me standing because i am forced to. I'm forced by family,friends, and those who say "I like you" if they would all fade away i would not be here right now. I would not be siting here typing this depressing thing you call a journal. I never have typed my depression on this thing. today is an odd day. Hahahahh...always showing my nice side, and no one that i have met ever seen through it,except one person, but she is long gone from my life. I have done so many things that i regret. If i could go back in time i would totally fix them, but the past is the past nothing to do now but to continue into the empty future. I wish for once some one actually did care for me as to talk to me, hug me when i need it, and just have been there for me since the beginning of my life. I know there are some people who have gone through the same things. But what i want is to let it all out. I dont mind crying, i just want some one there to say that "Its ok, everything is going to be ok" Man this s**t sucks. I'm sorry for been so selfish. Hahahah.. i dont know why i am crying now, and im starting to sound so gay xD. but that is really what i want nothing more. Probably with that i can see something up ahead in my life.Well now im going to close this journal up. I know that no one is going to read it, but it feels good to let it out. Well i know there is going to be "One" that reads it.