This is not mine, I got it someplace else, but it's funny, and strangely accurate, so I decided to put it up.
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+ The Orphan:
Typically about 2/3 of all first-generation characters have no parents or have no knowledge of their parents. Many of them could be created and raised by someone that helped in the process of their creation, they tuned on their creator, or they don't even know who made them! If their parents died it was always in a dramatic and tragic way and often times right in front of them...or by them (Which I guess is still right in front of them in some way). If they were raised by someone else that someone was always cruel and neglectful.
+ The Plot-deprived Halfbreed:
Throw a stick- hit a half-angel half-demon combination. Never mind about how it happened or where their parents are. Plot? Oh what's that? No I just liked the idea of this half dragon half unicorn angel of death thing.
+ The Evil Sibling:
Oh yes, if the character has siblings odds are they were twins and one of them is evil and out to get them.
+ The Demi-god:
Walking into a typical online rpg bar you're sure to find every living demi-god in this fantasy world. The guy in the corner? He can make meteors fall to earth. The waitress? Oh hell she can rip all the bones from your body. What about the stripper? Watch out! She's really a dragon goddess.
+ The mysterious dark-cloaked figure:
It's a Snape fan club! Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE is in a black cape, black pants, black shirt, and has a hood down so you only see their nose and mouth which is likely in a smirk. If you ask them who they are they'll give you a broad answer like "I'm your worst nightmare", "I am he who lurks the paths taken by none living", hell, I'm waiting for "I am your father."
+ The crowded bar-endless empty tables rule:
Everyone in this crowded bar is alone in some way. The stranger slumped over the farthest stool on the bar along with three other people (one likely being a dragon of some sort), the fifteen people all at their own table looking about nervously or being the source of nervous looks (at least three are demi-gods), and the twenty people leaning in the corners watching everyone. Hmmmmm.....
+ The atmosphere's great- but the service sucks...
No matter how popular this bar is, no matter how many people are there, or how many of them are drinking on their drinks there's no bartender! EVER. However, there's no shortage in the waitress cat girls with overly large boobs and insanely short skirts. Tee hee so cute. :gag:
+ Let's all fly a me:
Wings... every freakin' one has them. Either they're hidden under that official Snape fan club cloak or charmed by magic. No matter how beautiful these wings are whomever has them is ashamed of them. Don't know why- it's not like they'd stand out... Of course half of the winged people have one feathered and one dragonic wing which... logically, would do little more than produce a nice breeze. No one has insect wings, of course not- that's not popular!
+ Death to the middle class!
Either you're so stinkin' rich you can buy as many drinks as you want, buy the finest horses in the land, and that legendary item in "mythical weapons 'r' us", and still have enough to pay for a **** or you're so poor that you'd be willing to become a servant to a mildly attractive person and later sex them up at home.
+ What a coincidence- I'm a runaway noble too!
If you're rich, odds are you're also nobility in some way. And for some reason or another the palace life was just too much for you and you ran away. This means you're terribly paranoid but hell if that means you stop spending. No it's not at all suspicious that Snape fan club member number three-twenty-nine wants to buy the legendary sword of Tin-a-click-click.
+ Slaves, slaves everywhere and not a master to sleep with.
If you're poor, you're probably a slave too! Oh and forget someone buying you. You're owned by a master that you also play that has nothing better to do than beat you. Forget the value of a healthy and able-bodied slave. As a rule, if you're a slave you're probably another big-breasted cat girl.
+ Home? What's that?
A recent census says that over one third of the population is homeless! Yes it was destroyed in some overly-dramatic manner (Fire, a massive dragon, a mountain falling over, godzilla), you were raised by wild rodents (or some other furry), or you, like about half the homeless people, have amnesia. The other half? Yeah they have a home but hell if they live there. Traveling's fun!
+ I AM GRIBTHOR!
No one... ever has a normal name. About two-thirds of the fantasy names will be Japanese, the rest will be something cute and fluffy to go with the kitten girl that you can adopt at the bar. Just once I wanna see someone say "I am the mighty BOB of Grenthnia- slayer of Chuck the evil dragon!"
+ Evil is pretty and has long hair!
If someone's a bad guy it's very likely you can spot them right off. They're normally overly effeminate, horribly sexy, has long, well-kept hair, they have manners, and talk with a sexy accent. Oh, one third of them are gay but that just makes it better, right?
+ I'm lost in a forest of people!
Every male character is unnaturally tall while all the females are short for their age.
+ The likely hero:
You can spot who'll be saving the world right off the bat. It's likely that they have a mysterious past, come out of no where, have a name that they gave themselves, are wearing a cape (like superman!) and are probably used to this sort of thing.
+ Being hurt is sexy!
Despite the fact that you're a half-angel half-demon demi god in a black cloak with the power to rip bones out of people's body you'll still get diced up against your self-produced villain that's got nothing special about him other than his pretty evilness and the evil black sword he's got. Afterwards you'll hope that someone comes by, nurses you to health, then gives you some :sings: Sexual heeealin!
+ Oh that? Just another flock of evil possessed undead dragons.
If your character just isn't proving that he or she is as much of a badass as the rest of the demi-gods and dragon-kings then all they got to do is step outside and kill one of the dark undead possessed dragons that just happened to be in the neighborhood to destroy another home and pump out a few more demi-god orphans. Yeah, you'll probably do it by having a meteor fall on them or something.... just like that waitress you bought and slept with.
+ Miracle pants!
Yup, you can carry anything in them. They have an endless void of stuff in those pockets you know. You got a ring from the fairy king, a mythical talking sword, a dragon skull, thirteen vials of healing potions, a rubber spider, a pack of tooth picks, your meth stash, your guide to defeating undead dragons, your hitchhiker's guide to the universe, and... oh yeah- that endless coin purse of gold. But that's not all! You never ever have to use the restroom!
+ The boomerang sword:
During the battle between you and the fourteenth local dark lord your sword was knocked from your hands and sent into the bubbling pit that led into the very bowels of hell! This location, of course, is only a short walk from the bar. However, that was your father's sword and because it's important to the plot it'll be back on your belt next time you role play.
+ Where have all the uglies gone?!
No one's ugly... unless they're the creepy guy selling you some legendary item, your slave master, or the bad guy's little flunkie. Everyone else is insanely handsome, beautiful, or a horrifying combination of both!
+ Oh they've been my best friend for three minutes!
No matter what... two characters that just met will end up doing anything for each other within five minutes of talking. After that five minutes some monstrous beast will attack the city and the two will suddenly be familiar with each other's battle style and totally own the monster. Or one of them will be hurt and the other will risk life and limb to save them. This rule also applies for a love interest. Holy crap is that demi-goddess waitress hot. OH NO she's been kidnapped, I'll loose my eyesight, left nut, left toe, get a face full of scars, and loose my father's sword (Which is fine, I trained it to come home) to save her!
+ I am the thirteen year old master of the dark arts!
Training? What's that? No I'm naturally good at turning shadows into blades that are three times as big as me. I've also pumped that much iron. The concept of having a character work their arse off to be a decent fighter is just beyond some people. It makes too much sense that someone would learn through trial and error.
+ Oh I'm a thirty-year-old geezer!
No one plays anyone over twenty five. No one plays anyone under sixteen... because I guess those ages just don't exist!
+ A good night sleep rule
No matter how much a character is wounded, it'll take maybe three days before they can perform again. Forget the fact that they were burnt by undead dark dragon fire, thrown down the flight of stairs from the dark lord's fortress at the top of the hill, run over by thirteen merchant caravans, spit on by a passing llama, and then attacked by a pregnant woman- they somehow lived and will be able to walk to the next town in three days.
+ Fear? I am fear itself.... muahahahaha
Your character will not be afraid of anything. They can be sleeping and wake up with the skull of a zombie in their face and they'll just get up, kill it, and go back to sleep. They also won't be horrified at the bodies of the dead children thrown around in that ravaged town or wince when they see that pregnant woman attack their buddy. If asked what their biggest fear is they'll go into a long speech about how no mere mortal can do anything to scare them because they're what everyone's afraid of.
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Fess Up! Fill in your answers on what you have/haven't done. C'mon, I wanna see how dirty people's pasts are.
________________________________
+ The Orphan:
Typically about 2/3 of all first-generation characters have no parents or have no knowledge of their parents. Many of them could be created and raised by someone that helped in the process of their creation, they tuned on their creator, or they don't even know who made them! If their parents died it was always in a dramatic and tragic way and often times right in front of them...or by them (Which I guess is still right in front of them in some way). If they were raised by someone else that someone was always cruel and neglectful.
+ The Plot-deprived Halfbreed:
Throw a stick- hit a half-angel half-demon combination. Never mind about how it happened or where their parents are. Plot? Oh what's that? No I just liked the idea of this half dragon half unicorn angel of death thing.
+ The Evil Sibling:
Oh yes, if the character has siblings odds are they were twins and one of them is evil and out to get them.
+ The Demi-god:
Walking into a typical online rpg bar you're sure to find every living demi-god in this fantasy world. The guy in the corner? He can make meteors fall to earth. The waitress? Oh hell she can rip all the bones from your body. What about the stripper? Watch out! She's really a dragon goddess.
+ The mysterious dark-cloaked figure:
It's a Snape fan club! Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE is in a black cape, black pants, black shirt, and has a hood down so you only see their nose and mouth which is likely in a smirk. If you ask them who they are they'll give you a broad answer like "I'm your worst nightmare", "I am he who lurks the paths taken by none living", hell, I'm waiting for "I am your father."
+ The crowded bar-endless empty tables rule:
Everyone in this crowded bar is alone in some way. The stranger slumped over the farthest stool on the bar along with three other people (one likely being a dragon of some sort), the fifteen people all at their own table looking about nervously or being the source of nervous looks (at least three are demi-gods), and the twenty people leaning in the corners watching everyone. Hmmmmm.....
+ The atmosphere's great- but the service sucks...
No matter how popular this bar is, no matter how many people are there, or how many of them are drinking on their drinks there's no bartender! EVER. However, there's no shortage in the waitress cat girls with overly large boobs and insanely short skirts. Tee hee so cute. :gag:
+ Let's all fly a me:
Wings... every freakin' one has them. Either they're hidden under that official Snape fan club cloak or charmed by magic. No matter how beautiful these wings are whomever has them is ashamed of them. Don't know why- it's not like they'd stand out... Of course half of the winged people have one feathered and one dragonic wing which... logically, would do little more than produce a nice breeze. No one has insect wings, of course not- that's not popular!
+ Death to the middle class!
Either you're so stinkin' rich you can buy as many drinks as you want, buy the finest horses in the land, and that legendary item in "mythical weapons 'r' us", and still have enough to pay for a **** or you're so poor that you'd be willing to become a servant to a mildly attractive person and later sex them up at home.
+ What a coincidence- I'm a runaway noble too!
If you're rich, odds are you're also nobility in some way. And for some reason or another the palace life was just too much for you and you ran away. This means you're terribly paranoid but hell if that means you stop spending. No it's not at all suspicious that Snape fan club member number three-twenty-nine wants to buy the legendary sword of Tin-a-click-click.
+ Slaves, slaves everywhere and not a master to sleep with.
If you're poor, you're probably a slave too! Oh and forget someone buying you. You're owned by a master that you also play that has nothing better to do than beat you. Forget the value of a healthy and able-bodied slave. As a rule, if you're a slave you're probably another big-breasted cat girl.
+ Home? What's that?
A recent census says that over one third of the population is homeless! Yes it was destroyed in some overly-dramatic manner (Fire, a massive dragon, a mountain falling over, godzilla), you were raised by wild rodents (or some other furry), or you, like about half the homeless people, have amnesia. The other half? Yeah they have a home but hell if they live there. Traveling's fun!
+ I AM GRIBTHOR!
No one... ever has a normal name. About two-thirds of the fantasy names will be Japanese, the rest will be something cute and fluffy to go with the kitten girl that you can adopt at the bar. Just once I wanna see someone say "I am the mighty BOB of Grenthnia- slayer of Chuck the evil dragon!"
+ Evil is pretty and has long hair!
If someone's a bad guy it's very likely you can spot them right off. They're normally overly effeminate, horribly sexy, has long, well-kept hair, they have manners, and talk with a sexy accent. Oh, one third of them are gay but that just makes it better, right?
+ I'm lost in a forest of people!
Every male character is unnaturally tall while all the females are short for their age.
+ The likely hero:
You can spot who'll be saving the world right off the bat. It's likely that they have a mysterious past, come out of no where, have a name that they gave themselves, are wearing a cape (like superman!) and are probably used to this sort of thing.
+ Being hurt is sexy!
Despite the fact that you're a half-angel half-demon demi god in a black cloak with the power to rip bones out of people's body you'll still get diced up against your self-produced villain that's got nothing special about him other than his pretty evilness and the evil black sword he's got. Afterwards you'll hope that someone comes by, nurses you to health, then gives you some :sings: Sexual heeealin!
+ Oh that? Just another flock of evil possessed undead dragons.
If your character just isn't proving that he or she is as much of a badass as the rest of the demi-gods and dragon-kings then all they got to do is step outside and kill one of the dark undead possessed dragons that just happened to be in the neighborhood to destroy another home and pump out a few more demi-god orphans. Yeah, you'll probably do it by having a meteor fall on them or something.... just like that waitress you bought and slept with.
+ Miracle pants!
Yup, you can carry anything in them. They have an endless void of stuff in those pockets you know. You got a ring from the fairy king, a mythical talking sword, a dragon skull, thirteen vials of healing potions, a rubber spider, a pack of tooth picks, your meth stash, your guide to defeating undead dragons, your hitchhiker's guide to the universe, and... oh yeah- that endless coin purse of gold. But that's not all! You never ever have to use the restroom!
+ The boomerang sword:
During the battle between you and the fourteenth local dark lord your sword was knocked from your hands and sent into the bubbling pit that led into the very bowels of hell! This location, of course, is only a short walk from the bar. However, that was your father's sword and because it's important to the plot it'll be back on your belt next time you role play.
+ Where have all the uglies gone?!
No one's ugly... unless they're the creepy guy selling you some legendary item, your slave master, or the bad guy's little flunkie. Everyone else is insanely handsome, beautiful, or a horrifying combination of both!
+ Oh they've been my best friend for three minutes!
No matter what... two characters that just met will end up doing anything for each other within five minutes of talking. After that five minutes some monstrous beast will attack the city and the two will suddenly be familiar with each other's battle style and totally own the monster. Or one of them will be hurt and the other will risk life and limb to save them. This rule also applies for a love interest. Holy crap is that demi-goddess waitress hot. OH NO she's been kidnapped, I'll loose my eyesight, left nut, left toe, get a face full of scars, and loose my father's sword (Which is fine, I trained it to come home) to save her!
+ I am the thirteen year old master of the dark arts!
Training? What's that? No I'm naturally good at turning shadows into blades that are three times as big as me. I've also pumped that much iron. The concept of having a character work their arse off to be a decent fighter is just beyond some people. It makes too much sense that someone would learn through trial and error.
+ Oh I'm a thirty-year-old geezer!
No one plays anyone over twenty five. No one plays anyone under sixteen... because I guess those ages just don't exist!
+ A good night sleep rule
No matter how much a character is wounded, it'll take maybe three days before they can perform again. Forget the fact that they were burnt by undead dark dragon fire, thrown down the flight of stairs from the dark lord's fortress at the top of the hill, run over by thirteen merchant caravans, spit on by a passing llama, and then attacked by a pregnant woman- they somehow lived and will be able to walk to the next town in three days.
+ Fear? I am fear itself.... muahahahaha
Your character will not be afraid of anything. They can be sleeping and wake up with the skull of a zombie in their face and they'll just get up, kill it, and go back to sleep. They also won't be horrified at the bodies of the dead children thrown around in that ravaged town or wince when they see that pregnant woman attack their buddy. If asked what their biggest fear is they'll go into a long speech about how no mere mortal can do anything to scare them because they're what everyone's afraid of.
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Fess Up! Fill in your answers on what you have/haven't done. C'mon, I wanna see how dirty people's pasts are.
[b]+ The Orphan:[/b]
[b]+ The Plot-deprived Halfbreed:[/b]
[b]+ The Evil Sibling:[/b]
[b]+ The Demi-god:[/b]
[b]+ The mysterious dark-cloaked figure:[/b]
[b]+ The crowded bar-endless empty tables rule:[/b]
[b]+ The atmosphere's great- but the service sucks...[/b]
[b]+ Let's all fly a me:[/b]
[b]+ Death to the middle class![/b]
[b]+ What a coincidence- I'm a runaway noble too![/b]
[b]+ Slaves, slaves everywhere and not a master to sleep with.[/b]
[b]+ Home? What's that?[/b]
[b]+ I AM GRIBTHOR![/b]
[b]+ Evil is pretty and has long hair![/b]
[b]+ I'm lost in a forest of people![/b]
[b]+ The likely hero:[/b]
[b]+ Being hurt is sexy![/b]
[b]+ Oh that? Just another flock of evil possessed undead dragons.[/b]
[b]+ Miracle pants![/b]
[b]+ The boomerang sword:[/b]
[b]+ Where have all the uglies gone?![/b]
[b]+ Oh they've been my best friend for three minutes![/b]
[b]+ I am the thirteen year old master of the dark arts![/b]
[b]+ Oh I'm a thirty-year-old geezer![/b]
[b]+ A good night sleep rule[/b]
[b]+ Fear? I am fear itself.... muahahahaha[/b]
[b]+ The Plot-deprived Halfbreed:[/b]
[b]+ The Evil Sibling:[/b]
[b]+ The Demi-god:[/b]
[b]+ The mysterious dark-cloaked figure:[/b]
[b]+ The crowded bar-endless empty tables rule:[/b]
[b]+ The atmosphere's great- but the service sucks...[/b]
[b]+ Let's all fly a me:[/b]
[b]+ Death to the middle class![/b]
[b]+ What a coincidence- I'm a runaway noble too![/b]
[b]+ Slaves, slaves everywhere and not a master to sleep with.[/b]
[b]+ Home? What's that?[/b]
[b]+ I AM GRIBTHOR![/b]
[b]+ Evil is pretty and has long hair![/b]
[b]+ I'm lost in a forest of people![/b]
[b]+ The likely hero:[/b]
[b]+ Being hurt is sexy![/b]
[b]+ Oh that? Just another flock of evil possessed undead dragons.[/b]
[b]+ Miracle pants![/b]
[b]+ The boomerang sword:[/b]
[b]+ Where have all the uglies gone?![/b]
[b]+ Oh they've been my best friend for three minutes![/b]
[b]+ I am the thirteen year old master of the dark arts![/b]
[b]+ Oh I'm a thirty-year-old geezer![/b]
[b]+ A good night sleep rule[/b]
[b]+ Fear? I am fear itself.... muahahahaha[/b]
