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Sexuality is one of those things that gets prodded once and just never goes away, especially where religion is concerned. I've been trying to figure out what the hell I think about sexuality and religion, and, more importantly, what God wants me to think about said topics. As a Christian, He's got to be put first in my life as often as my flawed, vain soul can manage, but with all of this GLBT stuff cropping up so suddenly, I honestly don't know where to stand. Prayer--open, honest, truthful prayer--has become really difficult because I don't want to admit to God that this is kind of freaking me out, and that, as a human being, I don't WANT to take any of the Biblical references about homosexuality into account--not that it really matters, as the whole "omnipotent" thing kind of rules out any sort of subversion on my part.

Still, as I've set out on my personal quest to put the issue to rest (within myself, at least), I've come across quite a lot of really, really troublinig material. www.godhatesfags.com actually reduced me to tears and a desperate call to Christ, pleading with Him to tell me that what I read there--extremist, yes, but also VERY well backed up--wasn't true. I want my God to be loving, accepting, nurturing and forgiving; problem is, I also can't justify applying logic to my faith simply to make myself feel better.

I want to tell myself that the Bible was written by men, men are flawed, and therefore there are things in the Bible that need not be taken literally. Still, this only applies to small portions of the text, and really doesn't make everything "okay". I want to tell myself that Christianity is such a complex religion that, so long as you get the basic stuff down, you're good in the eyes of the Lord, but I don't know if that's true. I want to tell myself that yes, of course God will forgive me--but am I willing to repent for what I don't believe, as a human on Earth, is really a sin?

Someday, somehow, I hope to recognize all of this as a holy mystery and leave it at that. 'Till then, I guess I'll just keep searching.

faithfully,
~muse