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I'm really starting to miss my hometown. I hated the climate, but I miss the people and the sense a familarity. It's been a year since I moved, but I still feel like I've been cut off from any form of stability. My dad is in Iraq, my mom is in Nevada, I'm living with my grandmother, and I'm going to school. School is all I know. I don't know how to find scholorships, how to find another college to transfer to, I don't know how to drive, I can't seem to get a job, and I can't seem to make friends here. It's hard. One year ago, the world was so bright, the path was clear, I felt like I knew my place in the world and was destined for greatness. I was so happy, I was so full of joy, and I was in the light. Then I moved and went to college. The world became darker, the path vanished, I lost my sense of belonging. I looked to the future for the light but the future was darker than I could have possibly thought. The choices I needed to make, the skills I need to gain, the work I need to do, but the further I look, the further from the light I go. I can't find the light in the future now. The future has no break. My family will die, I can't see myself with a family, even though I'd like to have one, I can't think of a job I'd like, and time seems to speed up. It hurts to look to the future. So I try not to. but in my situation, I need to. I need to choose a major, a college, a job, and need to choose them soon. I find my light once in awhile. Like after a really good movie, or a after I make a great accomplishment. The energy I feel is incredible. My body feels so light. I can't help but shine like a star when I find the light. But my time in the light is short lived. Never more then a day or two. I wish I knew how to find the light, but I only seem to stumble into it. The more I let my mind wander, the more depressed I get. But I can't keep my mind busy all the time, because I get exhausted. I need to get out, meet people, do things, but its hard. I'm still lost. I'm even forgetting what I used to be so good in. But recently I heard something that I need to take to heart. "You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future." I will take that to heart. I will find the self-disipline I lost, and once I find my disipline, I shall go and find my light.