9/18/2007
The Friendship Is Gone…
I might seem like a b***h for cutting off all ties to my old friends from high school but I have got to get it in my head that all they ever did for me was hinder me and any possibility I had for being happy. In that last year of high school, I spent nearly 25% of it actually at the high school. I was away from my friends and the main one that caused me so much discretion, who at the time was in between dropping out of school and picking the next guy to screw, that I actually had the chance to be happy. I wasn’t dragged down into their own problems and I realized that I really don’t need them in my life. I told that…main person all about that and I’m glad I did.
THEN WHY THE DREAMS!!! Lately all I can dream about is her and how she is pissed at me and about that baby she had. There is a kid at the day care that I work at that has the same name and the same face as that main person and I guess that could be the reason. All I can think about is that baby that I know, I JUST KNOW, that she brought into this world and is probably taking care of in a possibly poor way. God, I seem so mean right now but only if you knew her. I mean, she wasn’t the prettiest person but man could she get around. She always hopped from man to man all because her dad never was there to love her and her mom blamed her for her unhappiness. Her own mother left her up here in Michigan to move to Arizona and never told her about it, she had to find out from one of her cousins, she took her brother too. You can’t tell me that family doesn’t have problems.
I know I have no right to judge her but I’m not really judging her, she has gladly laid out all the horrible things that she has done in her life and she is proud of them, mainly because she believes that in this emo, punk, goth, straight edge society that she wants so badly to be a part of, these things are considered cool if you have them under your belt. I never understood why a person who is all about not caring about what others think of her, would work so hard to get up a background that she could talk about so that people can think that she is cool. I just don’t understand it. She was such a nice person and she had a wonderful mind that she would use to make wonderful ideas that she would never follow through with. I just don’t understand what went wrong. She only had about two months before she would graduate and she drops out, then she finds out that she is pregnant and she doesn’t even know who the father is. She only had a few more credits to go…Its so sad, I am getting pissed just thinking about her.
I guess I just miss the friendship that came from school, and when I pictured friendship I always pictured her, she had been my best friend since the fifth grade. Now all I do is work and come home, and people on gaia have become my only friends. Even though people from gaia are really awesome, I need friends who are here and who I can talk to on a daily bases. Grrr….I need to get a life….I miss Gabe…Whatever…
Song I’m Listening To: Good Bye To You
By: Michelle Branch
Mood: Resentful
Aranel Anira Community Member 
|
|
