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So my reproductive system sucks, and I often get these really painful cysts. Some of them explode, ect (others who've had them know what I'm talking about). Get the tests. Cancer. OK, we'll do that. Three radiation shots and they're shrinking. Haven't even lost all my hair. I had no intention of doing this.

I don't want to sink anymore money into this. The shots are ridiculously expensive, I know that I can't afford the surgery, even though I've found a doctor willing to work on a sliding scale payment plan. My pills are ridiculously expensive...

I don't think that my boyfriend loves me anymore. He more or less told me last night... and several other times... that my baggage was weighing him down. He told me to leave the shop we operate... He told me that I was leading him on (we live together, work together, ect.) He doesn't want to hear my depressing rambelings.

My girlfriend says that it's alright, my crazy... But there's no excuse for me using her the way I do... I am depressing.

We're running out of money and not making it back.

My parents have never really liked me, steal from me, and yell at me every time they talk to me. I'm a big dissapointment, but I don't understand why because I won't talk to them. I won't talk to them because they scream about how much they hate me, and with 22 years of listening to it now, they still haven't given me any reasons beyond my lieing...

Which I suppose is so second nature now that I don't even realize that I'm doing it... because I don't remember lieing to my parents...

My boyfriend got tired of listening to me b***h, so now I cry all the time... I never cried before.

I lost 70lbs and I'm still ugly.

Tomarrow is my 22nd birthday; I should be out of school by now, but I don't have a career...

My dog doesn't even love me... I was crying and he went to my boyfriend, who was screaming in anger, to comfort him over me... I don't know why that hurt so bad, but it did...

I thought last night about just taking an entire bottle of sleeping pills and going out during the night. I would die peacefully in my sleep; and it would look like the cancer got me. No one would suspect, and therefore the no suicide laws wouldn't prevent my family and friends from their meger inheritence. The only reason that I didn't do this, is because I felt it might negitivly impact the kids, but this is just me kidding myself. When their step-father died, it didn't really register to them, and neither would this. I mean, it wouldn't be a positive experience, but it would be better then my lingering, wouldn't it? Fighting all the time and whatnot.

I saw no reason to get treatment, myself. THat's one of the major reasons I don't have a career. I never planned to live this long; my plan didn't include getting to 22. But when my girlfriend found out, she cried... And said that she didn't want to lose me. I decided to go through this pain for her... so she would stop crying... But I don't think she wants me anymore... We once got into this big fight and she told me to move out, but when she calmed down, she took it back. I never felt like she hadn't meant it... She doesn't want me here either...