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I have to write down what i am thinking, otherwise i will lose it.


"Like i said i have been thinking, I have gone back into the mindest i was in during 8th grade. I am filled with wonder, ideals, and i want to learn, i want to teach. I think that our relationship is on the rocks because we have lost that conversation we had in 8th grade. and when you dumped me the first time i got too caught up in getting you back because i loved you so much, i forgot why i loved you. I just knew that i did.
I loved you because I loved the intelligence you have, the way you will listen to me when i talk nerd about quasars, and how i love to listen to you teach me things. I am going to be able to bring that back. Because of you i am writing things. and learning to love to learn again. I almost turned into matt, but i do not want to get off topic. I have been reading up on science, things i love to talk about. things i love to learn about. You need to start reading about psychology and other things that you want to teach me about. Deep things that will result in conversation. The conversation that will pave our bumpy road called relationship (I am proud of that anology)
I feel so good, its like a giddy feeling, the only problem i am having is my anxiety is being a little b***h and makes me feel a little doubtful about the effectiveness of this plan. But if it doesn't work then i will learn something. And i just know that everything will turn out right.
its hard to explain my thinking, just read Faith of the Fallen and you will get it.
I am getting pillars of creation tomorrow which will further continue my quest for knowledge. i will be so obsessed i will put most of my free time to knowledge. But don't get confused, free time means time away from you.



I loved you for intelligence you could offer me that no other girl could.
I got encroached in the fact that i found loved.
You realized that i forgot why i loved you.
Didn't know how to put it into words.
You left me.
I because consumed in getting you back.
I wasn't able to figure out what the problem was either.
i got you back just from spilling my guts to you enough you felt you knew me again
Repeat of first relationship.
But this time i realized the problem.

WHen we first broke up i was obsessed with doing sweet, romantic things for you because i thought that all i had to do was act like a movie.
But everyone can act sweet and romantic, i have to give you something not everyone can, conversation, intelligence.

i have to grind intelligence so deep into my skull that they won't be able to use me as a cadaver since my body is so irregular.

Don't you love the rambling of a madman?
hah, i only speak to myself.