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Life is utterly horrible. You know how it feels to have life, this "wonderful gift" that constantly has you turning this way and that, bending backwards, slicing your fingers off, just so you can find one bit of joy, to have it ripped away again. There is no eternal happiness, no great joy that keeps your mind away from all of the evil in the world. Joy is just a word, a mere word that was created by man when he realized that there is no such thing. Like Santa Clause, we know damn well that there is none, but kids still believe and that's what make them so "happy." I hate that. We lie to ourselves each time when we think "this is such a great day!" because there's always something going on, something that is realated to you somehow, that's going wrong. Something that will change your life forever and you're thinking that everything is just great. That's horrible... just horrible. Can I not go through one day where something doesn't tear my heart out? I hadn't cried for so long... and yet I've cried myself to sleep each passing night for three nights in a row. That's not right...