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Think about your personality 3 years ago and how you are now.

I used to be nearly the opposite of what I am now. When my brother was born, me and my mom never spent any time together anymore, but that was more than 3 years ago, but that's how I used to be developed. Due to my little brother. My step dad's cheating and lies and never being home and beating on her made her practically a b***h. And my family was very dysfunctional.

So 3 years ago, my mom worked night shifts, so every time I'd come home from school, my mom would already be out the door to work. So I was used to not spending time with family and knowing what it meant to be a family. I would always get very upset easily every time my mom was off work and was home all day, I would hate it every time she would attempt to schedule some kind of family hour or something because I just wanted to be left alone. I had no interest in being with my family at all. I hated family and just seeing other families made me angry because I didn't understand how others my age could even stand spending time with their parents.

I was very picky with whom I hung around with. I was always into the dark and gloomy kinds of people. Basically goths and stuff. Funny thing is, I only had one goth friend and other goths for some reason didn't want anything to do with me. So I had bairly any friends at all, it was always only the same 3 people. I was completely anti social. I hated being around big crowds of people and being near some one I didn't know or wasn't like me. I got jealous super easily, I would get out raged at other goths who's parents didn't care what they were and wore because my mom would never buy me black clothes from hot topic and those pants with all the chains and stuff. Si I would barrow my friend's clothes and switch clothes in the school bath rooms. I became depressed a lot and very angry when ever my friend got new goth stuff. I was madly jealous and couldn't control it. I wanted to kill her out of jealousy when she was allowed to dye her hair black. My mom never allowed me to dye mine any dark colors. I was always very quiet too, when I would talk to people I wasn't loud at all, I would sound like a mouse xD you could barely understand me when I talked. I would even get made fun of a lot for not having many friends and being different. I didn't care though that I was different at all. I enjoyed the negative attention for some reason. I guess back then I was so used to not getting attention ever that I began to crave any attention that's out there, even if it was negative, as long as some one noticed I existed I guess.

I would be a lot for no reasons at all. I would end up crying myself to sleep every night almost, wondering why I was born. I hated life and all the things around me. I wanted to just harm people for no reason just because I loved watching others suffer because I was suffering and didn't want to be alone. I enjoyed horror flicks and gore and stuff.

Now, I don't know what happened. But when I started dating Corey I changed. I already started to change when I got in 9th grade. I slowed down big time on all the black I was wearing and I began making new friends who weren't goth. I starting becoming more social and I starting talking better. I didn't have my tiny mouse voice anymore and me being shy around new people went away. But when I began to date Corey I saw something new, something I never saw before. And that was a new view of the world. I began to see the world from a good view. Which is why I dedicated the song "A whole new world" to myself and him. xD The first time he sent me a youtube clip of that song I began to cry.

Later on but not too much later I began to stop wearing black completely. Now I practically hate the color and other dark colors. I all of a sudden developed a love for really bright colors. I stopped hanging around goths and now I'm more into the nerdy type x3 I'm way more open with people now that I'm more social. I have less trouble talking to new people, instead of hating them I embrace them. I more friends than I ever thought I could have. People stopped picking on me and thinking I'm some loser freak.

I started liking adventure films and comedy and all of a sudden I can't stand horror flicks at all. They even give me nightmares now x3 I will never watch another horror movie again. O.o I stopped shopping at hot topic and started shopping at Aeropostale. I never thought I'd give up hot topic. I do still sometimes go there to look for some things that are cute since not all their clothes are goth and black. Bit I hardly find anything I would wear. I began doing my hair in the morning instead of letting it all hang over my face trying to hide it. xD people now can actually see what I look like.

I began taking an interest in family. I realized all I ever waned was a mother and father who love each other, but that I'll never get xP But I did receive one thing. Me and my mom talk again and even hang out again. We get along way more than we used to. We still can't stand each other a bunch of times, but now when my mom's off work, I don't get too angry. I don't mind. My mom is finally starting to try to spend family time with me and my brother. She's been actaully celebrating holidays with us and taking us out to eat and stuff. We used to just sit at home and stay out of each other's way. Since we became more close as a family, I starting liking family time and what not.

I've become far more cheerful. Every time something bad happens, like I get in an argument with my mom. I don't stay angry at her for more than 5 minutes. I just let it go like it never happened. I don't cry much anymore, I'm far more happy than I ever dreamt of being. I always wanted to be happy and have nothing much to worry about. I love waking up in the morning knowing my life turned great. I had hell years back and now it all went away. Mostly around the time when I stopped hanging around my lil goth friend who I was always jealous of. Ever since she left my life I stopped being jealous. Of anyone. And when my ex left, I stopped crying...well after I got over him when Corey walked into my life and showed me I could find some one better. xD

Ever since I began trusting God again my life's been changing. I received a great boyfriend, better mother daughter relationship, friends, and more. I started trying to gain my trust in God again when my ex was putting me through a lot of things. When I went to Germany to visit my family for 2 weeks the year he broke up with me, I asked my aunt if I could go to church with her a few times. I felt uncomfertable at first because it was years since I was in a church..and I felt God was angry with me enough. But the more I went the more I felt good going and I felt his anger less, I began to feel love from God instead. And that's when I knew things were gonna change. But that was all before I became the new me. That was how it started.

I love everyone, I hate less, I don't get jealous anymore at all. I'm a new person. I found God and a new world to start over in and make something of myself. And I only wish I could say sorry to all the people I've hurt in the past just for trying to help me. But if they only knew that I now see what they saw. People who are the way I was, are evil, and wrong. And I only wish they'd see that too and will change for the better.

Man was this a long entry xD

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