New god- DANIEL TOSH. Here's a quote of awesomeness-
I was in a movie theater the other day, and the guy in front of me, his phone rang. And it was one of those really annoying song rings, and he didn't want to pick it up because it was getting to the good part. So then he answers it and says "Hey. Yeah, I'm in a movie, what's up?" And I said "Hey buddy, get off the phone." and he says "Mind your own business, a*****e!" and I got sooooo mad and I tried to strangle him, but as I was trying to strangle him I saw my WWJD bracelet on my wrist- What would Jesus do? So I lit him on fire and sent him to hell.
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Rantings of a Diseased Mind
All those who read further beware, for your brain shall liquify, drip out your nostrils, and flush itself down the toilet.
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Smile and the world smiles with you, laugh and they'll all think you're on drugs.