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Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa her smile.
Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands for vacation, but when he returned, they were just called the Islands.
Chuck Norris once ate 400 buffalo wings. Then he ate 400 buffalo.
Chuck Norris is the reason Sauron has one flaming eye.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see him, you may only be seconds away from death.
There is no global warming. Chuck Norris just got cold, so he turned the sun up.
There is no theory of evolution: just a list of species Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris sees love as a reason not to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Chuck Norris loves you.
Chuck Norris is the reason why the dinosaurs are extinct.
Chuck Norris broke Pangaea apart.
There are no disabled people: just people who have met Chuck Norris.
Nobody's perfect. Chuck Norris is nobody.
Chuck Norris says that the game F.E.A.R.'s name means Freaking Easy and Retarded.
Chuck Norris doesn't dry off. He looks at the water and scares it off.
The Boogeyman checks his closet every night for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light on, but it's not because he's afraid of the dark. It's because the dark is afraid of him.
Chuck Norris wasn't born in a normal way. He decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb.
Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.
Chuck Norris doesn't teabag. He potato sacks.
Chuck Norris was once voted person of the year twice in the same year.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity--twice.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once, you're dead. Fortunately for you, you can't fool Chuck Norris.
Charles Darwin came up with natural selection after watching someone accidentally bump Chuck Norris at a bus stop.
Chuck Norris can beat Napoleon Beaunaparte in a game of Risk without touching any pieces.
Oddly enough, when translated into Greek, Chuck Norris means "to kill anyone in my way."
Chuck Norris pissed in a can and sold it. They called it Red Bull.
When Chuck Norris excercises, the machine gets stronger.
Chuck Norris doesn't give blood during a blood drive. Instead, he shows up with a bucket and a hand gun.
Chuck Norris once jumped off a building. The road suffered serious damage.
Chuck Norris is the only man alive that can kick you in the back of the face.
In Spanish, "Chuck Norris" means "basically in a coma."
Chuck Norris defeated an army without the other 299.
Chuck Norris broke several bones as a child, though not a single one was his own.
I once met Chuck Norris. Now I'm in intensive care.
Chuck Norris was originally cast to play the Terminator, but every time he said, "Hasta la vista, baby," everyone s**t themselves.
Chuck Norris plays Minesweeper with REAL mines.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pees.
The only reason Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon is because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him up there.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
The original title of Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs. Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after preproduction. No one would pay 10 bucks to see a 14 second movie.
Chuck Norris is 1/8 Cherokee, though this has nothing to do with his heritage. The man ATE a ******** Indian!