4-1-05: Well, I did a very stupid thing the other day. See, there's this guy I like on the Pokecommunity forums. He thinks of me as a little sister I guess, but I like him more than that. But he likes this girl that used to go to the Pokecommunity forums also, but she left or was banned or something, so he doesn't want a pair. But then he said something about the girl that he likes and I told him I hated him. Then he kept bugging me about why I hated him, so I finally told him I wanted to pair with him. He said that he loved that girl, but he would pair with me as a friend. So then we talked a little more and he said he would pair with me, he would just have to ask the girl he liked first. So I thought to myself,
screw it. I don't want to pair with someone who needs to ask PERMISSION to be paired with me, and I don't want someone who would keep bringing up the person they
loved. But then he said he wanted to work something out, because he "values my friendship," so I just told him: "Let's not pair, problem solved." So he says okay, and that's it. The problem is I still wanna pair with him, I like him a lot. But now I don't wanna talk to him at all.
And now he says that if I'm willing to drop the conversation so quickly, he was too. But if I wanted to talk about it, so would he. I DO wanna talk about it, I just don't know what I'd say to him. I wanna tell him I really wanted to pair with him, but that just makes me sound completely stupid. He doesn't wanna pair with me, at all. So he shouldn't have to. He shouldn't even have to talk to me about it.
Well, I just sent the above journal entry to him. Now I'm waiting to find out what he says. I don't really wanna know, but I'm going to. He's offline right now. I have 15 minutes to find out what he says. I feel like such an idiot.
OMG, now there's this little b***h on PC who thinks she knows more about Beast Boy than I do. If she thinks she's a bigger fan of Beast Boy than I am, she's got another thing coming.
stare 4-2-05: I still don't think the guy I like is gonna pair with me. He keeps telling me the most he can do is pair with me as a friend. I wish he would stop telling me that. It's bad enough when you think about someone when you first wake up and before you fall asleep, and they don't even feel about you the way you feel about them. I just want to drop down dead.
On a brighter note, I went to Pizza Hut and Friendly's today! Grannie McCaw took me and Mommy to lunch at Pizza Hut, where I ate so much pizza and breadsticks and drank so much Mountain Dew I felt like I was gonna throw up, then she took us to Friendly's for ice cream! Except Mom didn't want any.
*sigh* I thought talking about going to Pizza Hut would make me feel better, but I still wanna cry. I hate it that he thinks of me as a friend, but he doesn't care for me half as much as I care for him. And what's worse, we're kinda doing a romance thingie in an RP, and it friggin' SUCKS because it's just like dangling a mouse in front of a cat and pulling it away at the last second. And I've got Almost by Bowling for Soup stuck in my head. >.<
And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost loved you
I almost wish you would've loved me tooMaybe, if I'm lucky, I'll get diagnosed with cancer and die in a month or something.
And now I'm listening to
Baby Girl by Sugarland. I want that CD, that song is the best. Somehow, listening to songs and watching funny movies helps me feel better.
Man, it's sad when even the thought of pizza can't cheer you up.
xd What's worse, I've got a load of stuff I need to do in Science class. I don't think I'll ever get anything higher than a 1 in Science. With my luck, I'll end up having to stay for summer school, although it would be the first time in my life. Actually, with my luck, I'll do everything last minute and still do a good job. Though, I'm not counting on luck anymore. If I had ANY luck, TAD would have paired with me on PC.
crying And as luck would have it, TAD would probably rather be eaten alive by rabid wolves than pair with me. And he calls me his friend.
stare 4-3-05: And so the saga continues. I just wanna stop talking to him. Because the more I talk to him the more and more I like him, and the more and more I want him to pair with me, but that'll never happen. I hate that his character is being all nice to mine in that RP.
stressed And I made brownies today! They taste awful!
xd And they're dark chocolate.
4-4-05: TAD didn't get on at all today. I'm worried.
I made a birdie in Art class! XD It looks terrible.
OMG, Nick is in my class! He used to go to Acadia, but oh no, he had to come back to MY school. He's in my class, in my united arts group, and doing the same thing as me in Art! There are 3 different things you can do, the name thingie (I won't explain, too lazy, XD) the mask thingie, or the clay thingie. I'm doing the clay thingie, and so is Nick. And he called my birdie a duck. XD
