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These days I have lots of free time... so why not reopen my charity and use my free time for a good cause ^^.
The things I'm doing these days:
1. Writing
2. Taking Care of the Daily Chores.
3. Being Thankful of my Parents.
4. ReOpened Charity
5. Surfing around researching about my favorite singers/listening to music biggrin
6. Living the good life.
 smileynana78 · Wed Feb 04, 2009 @ 04:08am · 0 Comments |
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entry in more than a year. |
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This year I have matured a lot. Way more than my four years in high school. But I've become more stoic, cold, and less expressive than what I use to be. I might have forgotten how to smile without being awkward.. Which is bad....
On a stranger note, yesterday I dreamed I was explaining my dream in my dream. I had to go to the restroom but all the toilet in my house was broken. So I asked my mom where I can go, and she was like just go outside! And I said "NO!" And she kept pushing me outside. Then When I was outside a mountain of dead bodies in pools of blood spilled over me. I was so scared, then I explained to my neighbor what just happened and how scary of a dream it was. That doesn't really make sense but it was weird. And I dreamed this first grader liked me but then I was like "go away, you're being annoying." I tried to lock the door but he was REALLY strong and chasing after me.... that is so weird and scary.
If I had to name one dream that truly scared the crap out of me... it was the dream of little children (I couldn't really make them out) They tied me down on a table so i couldn't move and started to dissect me. sticking needles inside me and stuff. When I woke up I was so scared that I had to go to my mom haha.
I'll just go on a random tangent here. When I was little (since my parents are asian) They use to punish me by hitting me. Although they don't do that anymore. If I think back to those times I was punished, I know i did something bad... but I don't remember what I did. All I remember is the pain. I wonder if that happens for you guys too? But then all the times my mom lectured punished me, I remember it very clearly. Every detail of it. And I always truly felt sorry for what I did and repented. While when I was hit I just felt angrier and rebellious. Just goes to show you a little kindness goes a long way.
smileynana78 · Tue Dec 30, 2008 @ 02:39pm · 2 Comments |
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I don't think anyone will read this but oh well.
I have been offline from gaia for quite awhile too.
After reading the past entires I was such a stresscake.
Just relax. Getting into a good college is important. But you know, no matter how good of a college you get into, as long as you work hard and study hard in the end we will all get the same type of treatment.
We are all just human beings. If we try hard and show results then that is all there is to it.
Relax, have fun, and don't sweat the little stuff.
Do what you want to do today, don't live with regrets all your life.
I regret how cliqued my highschool was. All the koreans hung out with koreans, all the chinese hung out with chinese, all the indians hung out with indians. With all these stereotype protected environment I don't think I was able to learn what was really important.
That I should just be myself and not so weary of others. Truthfully, all my friends were straight A's honor students. Even when they took five AP classes. I would try to follow up with them and turn up with bad results and get depressed and depressed.
Now that I look, I think I was one sad kid. I should have just went on my own pace. I am me and they are them. I think high schools should try to make students realize this more.
smileynana78 · Tue Nov 20, 2007 @ 09:29am · 4 Comments |
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well i sent out the apps yesterday..... nov 30th.....
Now all i have time to do is wait..... and wait some more....... :<
ack!! I hope i get into UCLA! i'm so nervous
I better get my portfolio ready. crying
*sigh*
college apps are nerve recking.
It's the most stressful time of the year
smileynana78 · Fri Dec 02, 2005 @ 08:31am · 4 Comments |
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Awwwwww, people actually take the time to READ my journal!
Thankyou everyone that left cool comments razz
Thanksgiving break is coming soon! One more day of school and it's over over over~
Thanksgiving break here I come! ^_______________^ I'm ready for you man!
But yea, seriously though. this thanksgiving break I'm going to do some MAJOR prepping for my AP calculus A/B class... >_> starting from page one. I'm going to try really hard and get a good grade on the final! AJJAH AJJAH HWAITING! (korean term: "I can do it!" wink
I feel so jealous of smart people. This one dude tutors math for $50~ $30 bucks an hour..... dang two hours thats $60 bucks right there. He can make a living like that. Lucky him. All he needs to do is sit there and talk. sad I wish I'm that smart lol.
Anyways, I'm really excited about thanksgiving and all. wink
smileynana78 · Wed Nov 23, 2005 @ 03:47am · 1 Comments |
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Wow i have 3 tests tomorrow and i didn't even start studying sad
no wonder i'm doing so horrible in school -_-
anyways i felt so tired today so i slept till 6:30 and then rest of the time i ate dinner and researched colleges. I can't seem to grasp that i'm actually going to college. I guess i'm too scared to go. everybody else already has their essays done and ready and i'm sitting here...... doing nothing. I don't even know where to go sad
well actually, I REALLY want to get into UCLA it's a really nice school. smile
and their art majors they offer are really good. I really want to go there
if i get accepted i will difinately go to UCLA but then...... i'm afraid i'm not good enough for UCLA. There are so many talented awesome smarter people out there
and im not one of them. sophmore year i don't even have a 3.0 gpa sad
boohoo. i'm so stupid. I wish i tried harder.
oh well i guess that's what i get for being a lazy butt sad
smileynana78 · Thu Oct 06, 2005 @ 04:27am · 1 Comments |
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domokun
smileynana78 · Wed Mar 02, 2005 @ 07:45am · 2 Comments |
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Hi. My birthday was on the 9th that's like 8 days ago.
I'm 17 but i don't feel any older. I still feel like the 13 year old kid from jr. high. lol . all my friends are growing up getting jobs but im just home leeching off my parents lOL!! how sad.....
smileynana78 · Fri Feb 18, 2005 @ 09:08am · 2 Comments |
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two students from my school died in a car accident... it's so shocking..
depressed...
you can read about it here:
http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/news/local/10664147.htm
from her xanga...... it's so surprizing..... it's so scary.....
"January 15, 2005
This has to be the most terrifying day of my life yet. Going to National Portfolio day was supposed to be an interesting/exciting experience for me, but who knew it would turn out to be in the flames of hell.
It all started out nice and fun. Andy, Tammy, Sherry and I were having lots of fun driving to San Francisco and we were all excited about seeing which schools would praise us for our artwork..and even accept us into their schools right on the spot. Not only that, we were also excited to go around SF and play and go home to our art teacher's house to celebrate our hardwork and time put into our artwork. Coming out of National Portfolio Day, we went to Fisherman's Wharf to see the view and then we went to Ghirardelli to eat ice cream. We were all having fun, except Tammy was a bit tired/groggy but still managed to keep up with us.
Driving back was the worst experience. At first it was okay because we were all awake and happy, but later on it turned into a complete disaster. Tammy, who was sitting in the front passenger seat wanted to go home because she was tired and fell asleep. Sherry and I were sitting in the back seat, Sherry sitting behind Tammy and me sitting behind Andy, the driver. Sherry, Andy and I were talking about how we were going to come back to SF after all our college applications were done so we could go play more. We were also excited about going back to our Art Teacher's house to celebrate with hot pot. We even planned to play DDR and Samba De Amigo there. I called my brother to bring out the games so we could drive to my house first to pick the games up and then to our Teacher's house.
After a while, I guess we were getting tired. Tammy was already asleep and Sherry and I began to slowly fall asleep. Next thing I knew, I felt a big BANG in the head and I blacked out. I was really scared that I wouldn't wake up again so I forced myself to open my eyes and regain consciousness. I saw that the lights were on and that front window was all smashed and the whole engine was pushed into the car itself. Andy started screaming and didn't know what happend. He couldn't get out, so he climbed to the back seat and climbed out from the back window and screamed for help. Luckily, some people pulled over from the freeway and called 911 for us. Tammy woke up screaming in pain. I saw that the whole engine part was pushed against where her legs were supposed to be. I was in sudden shock and didn't know what to do. I looked next to me and saw Sherry knocked out with Tammy's seat pushed against her. I tried to help Tammy out, but she was just stuck there yelling and screaming. She kept on yelling "my leg is stuck.. it hurts so much.. my leg hurts.. my blood circulation is getting cut.. i'm going to die!!!" This really scared me. I told her that everything was going to be fine.. and that the ambulance is coming and would help her get out. At the same time, I was trying to wake Sherry up. I said repeaditly "Sherry.. please wake up.. wake up..." Andy checked through the shattered window to see if Sherry was breathing.. and she was.. he then told me to try to climb out of the car. At first I couldn't get out because my seatbelt was stuck, but I somehow managed to get out of it. I climbed out from the back window and by then the ambulance was here, so were the cops and firemen.
Andy helped me walk up to the ambulance because I was weak in my legs. They did a check up on me. My head got bumped pretty badly. From my right eye and up and to the back of my head was in pain. The left side of my tongue was sliced up a bit because I bit it.. and my hands were scratched up and bleeding. That's nothing though, I was desperately worried about Tammy and Sherry. They were both still stuck in the car, helpless. The paramedics told us to calm down and said that they are okay and will do everything they can to help them. They put me on back support. Soon they came in with Sherry. I couldn't turn my head to see how she was doing because the stretcher I was put on wouldn't allow me to. All I could do is lie there helplessly. They were talking to Sherry saying "Okay Sherry, it's okay Sherry, it's only oxygen." they also mentioned that Tammy and Andy were in the ambulance behind us.
We were all taken to the ER and from then on, I didn't see Sherry or Tammy. All these people came to ask me questions about myself, Sherry, Tammy and Andy, what we did that day, where they sat in the car, what happend while we were driving. I answered all of them and it turned out that the reason why they were asking me these questions were to see if I had any brain damage from the crash. They then moved me into my own seperate room and I couldn't sleep because I was so worried and with my headache, everything was also really dizzy. My Mom, Aunt, Brother came to see how I was doing. It was really hectic. I kept on asking if everyone else was okay. I just couldn't stop crying. I didn't know how to react to everything and I was really worried about everyone else. The doctor said that Andy and I are REALLY lucky. Our injuries aren't as bad as Tammy and Sherry's. My Mom asked if they were okay and the Doctor said.. that he couldn't give us that kind of information and said that Sherry and Tammy were in operation at the moment and that they would do everything that they could.
I barfed 2 times and slept for a while. My Mom signed me out of the hospital and we went home. I went to sleep.. and slept all day today. Now I'm here with a fat headache and a black eye with this car accident playing over and over in my head. I don't know what to do.
When I woke up this morning, my Dad told me that Tammy had passed on. It turned out that her neck and spine broke.. and that the engine which came into the car punched some holes in her liver. I also remember that her airbag didn't even come out. I hope someone sues bmw for this. They ******** deserve it. Even though my dream car is a bmw, I really don't care.. why the ******** didn't her airbag come out? I mean I WATCHED Tammy scream and yell in pain. I sat there in the backseat helplessly because there was nothing I could do to help to get her out. As for Sherry, she's currently in a coma. She should be fine.. because right now she's stable... supposedly she has some kind of internal bleeding. Everyone pray for her. Why did things have to turn out like this? Everything was just fine before we left SF. We were having a fun time...until then...
Tammy, we met back in September.. and although we would basically see each other like once a week... I didn't see you much until this past month, this is what I have to say:
I was surprised that you opened up to me right away, telling me about yourself..like your relations with your bf en stuff and showing me all those adorable pictures in your wallet and just being so nice and friendly to me. Although I never had the chance to tell you this, but we actually met before when we were young. I remember we went to this daycare place called Shareworld a long time ago...and we were pretty good friends back then. I wish I had more time to get to know you better... You told me all about youself, but I never had to the chance to tell you about me as a person. Our plans of going to Taiwan together in the summer.. might not work as we wanted them to... I wish I had more time to talk to you. You always made me laugh and your words were always very encouraging. I'm really going to miss you. Rest in peace.
Sherry... I just met you in the beginning of the school year when I started attending the same art class as you. Your outgoing personality made me want to open up to people. You always had a happy atmosphere around you and always made me laugh. I feel like within the past few weeks I really bonded with you. I'm praying for you. We all are. Wake up soon.
After this whole who incident, I feel like nothing will be the same. It's amazing how one incident can turn your life around. Because of this, I don't even wnat to major in Transportation Design anymore. Who knows though. Just watching my friend dying in pain and seeing myself just sitting there feeling helpless is an experience that I cannot explain in words. For all you people who actually read this... when you drive, please be careful... when you sit in someones car, make sure they are a good driver and are careful too. I never realized how lucky I am to live today. I'm thankful to God that he let me come out of this accident safely. As of now, my heart is broken.. I know it was God's plan and he has something even greater set for Tammy, but I'll always miss her. As for everyone else... You never know what lies ahead of you. Live your life to the fullest.
*edit
The memorial service for Tammy Chen is scheduled for this coming Saturday, January 22nd, at 9:00AM. The place is: Alameda Family Funeral Home on 12341 Saratoga -Sunnyvale Rd.
Thank you for all the support, everyone.
-Caroline"
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=rikax71
smileynana78 · Tue Jan 18, 2005 @ 05:02am · 3 Comments |
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