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"Through my traveling I’ve learned" by Justine Spencer
Mood:contemplative
Entry:

Through the night stars glisten
Through the wind howls melody
Through the air reeks corpses
I wandering the night in search of what's missing
On and on I'm traveling
Searching for something that may not be existing
Then it hits me
There was me that was missing…
Me…
How could I not see this coming…
My heart thuds exceedingly
The words are vacant unbelievably
All I can ask myself is ,"What is to look here?"
The ground is cracked
I stare throughout my horizons
Fog fills the air
I close my eyes and memories enter my head
I see those I loved being tortured and covered in red
Was it paint?
Was it hair dye?
Don't pretend as if you don't even know…
I remember the horrors and shrills
They echo throughout my skull
When I open my eyes I know it's not over yet
Now of what's today will surely matter
It effects of what can be of my tomorrow
So don't lose hope
Don't forget
That it isn't over yet

LYING
Mood:ashamed/aggravated
Entry:

Once you start it's addictive. You start to live another life that you once dreamt of never having... It's alright at first but later on it's a horrible feeling... My friends yes I have lied oh so many times and I am breaking that habit... I am sorry and deeply sorry because some of those lies kept buliding on and on and on... I soon wear a mask to hide from the world like a coward would... Lying destroys the person you are... I would know because that's the effect it's having on me and I simply regret the day I chose to go over the top lying just to protect myself... I have been told not to look back at the past and to move on but I can't help staying back in the past if I continue on to live in the ghost shell of it. I have recently confess to someone I've done 3 years of lying to and now things are going horrible... I know that I have lost his trust and that I may have lost him but it's better than not freeing him from the truth... The truth hurts and I regret almost everything of my past. I could have gone on for the next 7 or 10 years and let everything be in fantasy land and then when the truth blurts out then fantasy land would turn into Hell Land. My advise to anyone who constantly lies as if it's an addiction then I advise to stop and look back at the damage you've put on yourself, on friends/love ones around you, and everything around you... I do hate liars and I am ashamed that I have let myself become into something I dreadfully hate... My advise is that you should keep the standards you have set up for you and try your best to keep those standards high... If you don't then you're going to go down the wrong trail... It's not fun either... If I have affended anyone I am sorry.

Justine