One crisp morning I awoke from my grogginess to find myself terribly vulnerable to the holiday cheer by the brassy ringing of bells. Such a strange circumstance as it was, the infraction of my code of conduct was clear; clear as those ringing bells. As I took in my surroundings, it came to my notice that there were no actual bells that could produce such a chime. There was only one explanation for this. The Christmas spirit had far before my notice managed to bur itself deep into my subconscious, therefore creating this aural projection in my imagination perceived as it was as reality.
In a desperate attempt to desist this phenomenon and force this impish possession of my very soul outwardly, I disconcerted the beast with the forceful prating that is political television. However, not even the biased pillaging of opinions was enough to cease the spectral chiming. How desperately I wished to haul this clinging being over the coals; how desperately I wished to reprove its actions! For none other, no reason more, could I struggle along my allotted time off, but to be confronted with such a hindrance as this!
Coming to terms with my predicament, I took a deep breath and concocted out a scheme. This was most certainly not the time to be crass with my decision-making, for this was no inconsequential matter at hand. I had to do something about my dilemma, and I had to do it soon. I had to be immediate, yet I had to be smart. In order to be free of this cheerful demon, I must denounce my true austerity to fool it into vulnerability…I must bake cookies.
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