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So yeah... broken up with my guy for exactly..... two months now? yeah, around that time, though things already got crazy since last october.

last night, was probably one of my lowest points.

i threw myself at his mercy.. and well.. there was no mercy.

ouch.

what made me throw myself there? the little boy we often dreamed about having together. the cute, chubby little boy who'd be so fat that his sides would jiggle every time he laughed.

and he wouldn't be able to pronounce the letter 'r'

he'd go like, "weally, mom? santa's gonna come and gimme a pwesent?"
or, "gee, dad, mom looks weeaally pweettty,"

me and my imagination. *sigh*

but... i could almost hold him in my arms.. soft and warm.. and my husband would be there to play with him.

and we'd sneak kisses while he was asleep.

so there. that's the thing that made me throw away my pride, my dignity and my dreams..

this is good. this is really good.

as soon as i hit rock bottom, the only way for things to go is up.

why is it taking me so long to hit rock bottom?

or am I just staying here?