Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

 
 

View User's Journal

Journal of random things
random things that I write, sometimes its things that I've typed, other times it's just things I need to get off my chest.
I think I'm going to try to put everything I'm hating right now into this one journal entry, to see if it'll help.

I hate that I'm so tired all the time. It's starting to get really obnoxious to fall asleep in every class every day. It's like that no matter how much I sleep too, so I don't know what's up. Maybe my thoughts are wearing me down, even in my dreams. *Shrug* I do tend to have some issues with overthinking and with regrets. That could contribute. Probably is. Oh well...

I hate that the person who makes my days better than the complete s**t they've been lately is leaving school tomorrow, and that I probably won't see her again before I leave for Arizona next month because of her schedule. And that it'll be a long time after that before we can hang out again.

I hate the way I left my old school. I hate that I ran away. I hate that I left everyone. I hate that I wasn't strong enough to deal with it then, because this is much worse now. I hate that I've lost so many friends because I'm too afraid to go back and try to make amends. I hate that I left her. I hate the things I said to her. I hate that she was so important and that I probably wasn't even close to being that important to her. I hate that she was my best friend, and without her I don't have anyone to talk to. I hate how much I love her, because if I didn't this wouldn't be so unbearable. I hate that I think about her every day, and because of how many people she has in her life she probably hardly remembers me. I hate that it's almost been half a year and I still feel this way. I hate that I can rationalize leaving. That it makes perfect. That it really was the only choice. I hate that I can do all that because it makes all this pain just completely irrational.

I hate that I can't just forget those memories.

I hate that the power got shut off a few days ago because, even though it's turned back on, that proves that even with the effort I'm putting out it's just not enough.

I hate that I was born so early.

I hate that even now, focusing on other things, my thoughts cycle back to her.

I hate that I never seem to be making any progress.

I hate that my grades are so mediocre.

I hate how life has become just one giant routine.

I hate that I have so many problems.

I hate that none of those problems seem to work themselves out.

I hate how spoiled some of the people I know are, and how they don't understand just how good they have it. I have to work for every bit of money I have or want, while other people just get handed money and get told to do what that want with it, I hate that so much because it makes me so jealous of them.

I hate that I can't ever seem to finish something.

I hate that I can't go back.

I hate that I don't know my purpose.

I hate that I don't know why I've survived so many things.





 
 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum