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Kawaii?

What goes well with a baseball bat?

I have a lot of free time.


Favorite past time.

I got bored so I posted pictures.. meh. ninja

Life is kind of funny when your a guy like me. You have a lot of things to prove. Everyone's always downing you, making you feel like the scum of the earth. Well I intend to prove them wrong. Simply laugh behind a smile at their perplexed faces, wondering how I got this far with nothing to grab on to. Well, it just goes to show I got more to be proud of since I did it on my own, with no help from anyone. I'm stronger than you. It's not a matter of arrogance. It's a matter of fact. Not having anyone there to support you, lend you a hand to give you a head start, no one to turn to when I needed help the most. I built my way from scratch and therefor I'm a better, wiser, stronger person then you'll ever be.

I pride myself more in my accomplishments then you ever will. You can't put a lot of pride into something when you had help, or had it done for you.

I tend to cherish more the free things in life than you ever will. Simply because thats what I was tought to do since I'm always scarce on money. Money has no value to me other than a tool. I hold more value to the things I cherish most. I'm not willing to give them up just because of something so childish.

I'm not your fancy guy, with fancy gadgets, gizmos, and suave style or looks. I'm just your simple man, who wonders trying to find the things he enjoys. Enjoys life for what it has to offer and just walks down that dusty road like a tumble weed blowing in the wind. Thats all you'll see and thats what you'll get. Why put on a facade? I would be lying.

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Well not a whole lot is going on. It's raining....I like the rain, it calms me. About the few things that do. Problems are arising between my grandmother and Shawn. Simply because of the fact that Shawn is moving. It's funny really. Mostly because my grandma doesnt want people crowding up the place and when they want to move out she gets pissy. She gets pissy when they stay anyways. So instead of taking it out on Shawn she takes it out on us. Though I can honestly stay I had no intentions of staying here in the first place. If I had a job before hand I probably would have enough money to rent a small studio and stay there. Which i'll probably end up doing anyways with my mom.

I also start working monday. I'm a little nervouse, due to the fact that this is only my second job. Despite my efforts looking even befor hand. If jobs were so easy to come by I would clearly be working right now. Goes to show that they're not so easy for all who think that it is.

So thats about it really...Nothing particularly new...Except for my job. Well, I'm going to enjoy the rain...See you all later.



By the way for any who do actually read this you are welcome to comment. However, rude and untasteful commenting I will delete or possibly even report..

I never want to wake up.
Not feeling any pain, not feeling anything at all.
But to watch my life melt away into oblivion.
It's not so much that I hate the living aspect.
It's more of the pain I constantly feel.
It will never go away.
The misery, the sorrow and that really tight knot in your stomach.
Always wishing you could turn back time to make things better.
To be happier, hopeful, even full of life.
It's gone now however.
Like a seemingly endless drout.
Though yes, it all comes back.
But to one it seems like ages.
Everything is gone.
Love, happiness, even the will to live.
Though one isnt curagouse enough to even do himself in.
But will still suffer the pain as he shuffles his feet along the floor every where he goes.
Puts His head looking down at the ground and his shoulders slump.
His heart pounding ever so slowly and aching.
It's hell one would think.
And indeed it is.
As one would suffer this untill his dying breath.
It's one thing to break a mans heart, but to break his spirit as well.
Well I can tell you, it's no easy thing to do.
Only something or someone so powerfull can do such a thing to such a strong spirit.
Death is only a favor to a man such as this.
A way to ease the pain and forever rest and never feel a thing again.
That man is me.


Yeah I'm feeling pretty down. Despite the fake smiles I put on for people. I cant feel happy anymore...I truly cant...Yes some things do spark a moment but theres always something behind it..Despite the happy feeling it's always being taken away. Always. Before everything I could bounce right back up. Tell a joke and be livley. Now....It's like everything has died inside of me...I'm more irritable, my patience is below the bar (and I have a really high patience level), I have no will to live. Though no I wont kill my self...Just means I really wouldnt fight so hard if my life was in danger....Happiness is just a nick away from a distant memory. No I wont drown my self in alcohol. I cant stand to get drunk. It just seems that everything has been sucked out of me when she left....I mean when when I was with her I swear to god I finally felt....good. I mean I felt good before but hardly like this! I felt truly happy...To see her face, her eyes, her lips, her hair! I swear I could shout to the world that she's the one........And I very well still can...Despite everything...It's hard to find at such a young age and I know some may thing that I'm only convincing my self and even think I do...I do respect your guys' oppinions on the matter and I really do appreciate as to what you think...But when your a guy like me...With strong morals, dignity, honor and hell just plain old fashioned..You tend to think more with your heart than you do with your brain....And your willing to do anything to be with the one you love.. Even sell your soul..Even if she does hate you...All I can do is wait I guess....


I'm sorry D.W.

*sighs* Well I'm off....Going to watch BraveHeart....Goodnight..

Well last night around 6 Andrew stopped by, I havnt seen or talked to him in two weeks and he just randomly showed up at my door so I was like well s**t! He wanted to hang out and so we did. It kinda sucked though in the beggining because we had to do some much s**t before we can do anything fun. We had to pick up Jessica from Andrew's step mom. then when we got home we had to wait for a call from April because she got a flat and couldnt make it back home. Bleh, that ate up so much time, Thats ok though. We went to Billy's brothers house to pick up some stuff then off to the arcade. I seriously over did it because I had a bad cramp and my arm up by my shoulder and neck really started to throb. After the arcade we went back to Andrew's house and watched Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, it was funny as hell!. After that we sat around and talked a little bit more and went to sleep and here I am now. So it was pretty fun in some sense...About the only time I feel pretty good is when I'm with my friends sometimes...But yeah we had quite a party at Andrew's smiling faces all around ^_~.

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Disorder Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --



I seem to be normal except the paranoia....I'm not actually that paranoid though...hmm..could be a little off because the dependent factor is moderate and I hate depending on people. Ah well it's just a dumb test.

The wound you gave me will forever be scared upon my heart

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[30 Jan 2005|07:08pm]

Today:

Today I just sat around and relaxed. Watched a lot of Discovery channel, mostly on natrual disasters.
Also went to the store for a few groceries for a few things. Thats about it really.

Ok this is the elaborated version of this weekend.

Friday:

Andrew called me thursday evening asking me if I were doing anything Friday morning. Well since I really wasnt and I dont have to attend my class if I dont want to I didnt go. I woke up around 8. So I was up for about 2 hours playing Medal of Honor: Frontline. Around 10 close to 11 Andrew calls and tells me he has to go to his step mother's house to drop off some fruit cups and instructions for Jessica. Around 11 he came over, he looked pretty happy. Considering he hasnt had a day off in 2 weeks I imagine he would be lol. Well we played DDR for a few hours. We're not used to playing as we used to so we were kinda bleh and getting tired quite quickly. Poor Andrew almost ended up throwing up because of something he has when his stomach has nothing in it ( I forgot the name of it). After our last game of Non-Stop (Which I would of completed if I wasnt so damn tired out) We left. He took me by the trailer that we're gonna call home. It looked pretty nice. I was actually surprise. It's nice and wide. It's about a medium length and very wide so thats pretty awesome. So I really can't wait. After that we drove to his storage to put away a few things then we went to his house. We hung out there for awhile since we didnt have much else to do. Me and Andrew were talking about going fishing that night, but it was pretty wet and windy, not to mention his sister April wanted to go see a movie. So untill then me, Andrew and Billy just hung out for awhile, talking and just bullshited around. Andrew got us some food. Around 10 we left to go see the movie Hide and Seek. It was pretty good. Made me jump a few times. It's like Secret Window however so just be careful. On the way to the movie it was pretty funny though. Andrew was playing catch up with April on the way the the theatre, and when we got to the light before you enter the Tri-City complex Andrew got out of his car and went up to Aprils and kicked her car lol. After Andrew got back into his car April started backing up and Andrew backed up to avoid getting hit. Well Andrew decided to move forward and April did the same thing. Well then April back up then CRASH. First thing I hear out of Andrews mouth is "Holy s**t....AW MY CIGARETTE BROKE!!" I was laughing my a** off. Luckily there was no damage on either of the cars. It was a small tap but it sounded big. Well as I was saying, After the movie we all just sat around and talked. Andrew's mom has been really sad. I guess she's been very stressed and I dont think she has anyone to talk to about it. One point everyone left to go get the mail and such and I just stayed inside and I asked her what was going on and she started talking. I think she really needs someone to talk to. Poor girl. Shortly after we watched Napolean Dynamite. ******** awesome movie....I wish I could dance like that.

Saturday:

Woke up. I dont know what time. I had a hang over of sorts -.-'. Sandesha was loud chasing Jessica and what not. God that was ******** annoying. She's always loud. Now I know how Andrew feels everyday...Well I've always known considering people in my house arnt so considerate either. I was up for I guess an house. I was so ******** tired because I imagine the time I went to bed was sometime Saturday morning. Well not too long afterwards Andrew woke up. And so we went to the bank and I was dropped off at home.
Well not even 20 minutes I was home and Kevin came over. I was so tired and out of it but I hung out with him anyways. We went to the mall for a bit then to the beach. Then I went home. I was so damn tired. I would of hung out more if I wasnt feeling so burned. Sorry Kevin.


Well there you have it. My weekend. It was pretty busy. One of my busiest in a loooong time. Tomarrow I'm hopeing me and Andrew get to check out the inside of out place. If anyone wants to do anything I'm free just about when ever I get home around 12ish so yeah.


I hate my life stressed

Well I havnt posted much in this thing...

I'll post an entry here then another one. but there from different dates.

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a*****e, p***k, jerk, d**k head, c**k sucker, mother ********, ******** nut, ******** nugget, dousch bag, Loser, lame, boring, a** clown, fudge packer, f*****t, retard, lazy, know-nothing, ********, dipwad, dipshit, dumb a**, a**, liberatchi (famouse gay piano player), man with out a d**k, lack brains, stupid, b***h, infected c** bubble, c** guzzler, s**t head, player (other wise know as playa), a** whipe, s**t face, liar, mooch, drain, good for nothing, nobody...

...Is there anymore you wanna throw at me?

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Can anyone figure out the commen sense between this equation and as to why I want more s**t on my plate. Now I know we havnt argued in a few days but I just wanna know since a lot of people lack common sense..

Me + Break up with ex + Fought with ex + Ex is no longer talking to me + Ex is no longer my friend + Living at my grandmothers house + Moving in about a month + Having to get a job + A lot of future bills + Being accused of something I havnt done + Being hassled by some a*****e = Me: Sad, depressed, low self esteem, and high stressed, sick and angry.

Do you see anywhere in that equations as to why I want more s**t spooned on to my plate?

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As for my post, So far no word from Andrew he still may be sleeping. I may call him in a little bit. Feeling pretty shitty, stomach has been in a knot god knows for how long....


Basicly the equation is how things have been going for me.. not to much fun.

Original date and time: [31 Jan 2005|12:32pm]

Well It's been about 3 weeks since that day Dani dumped me ::sighs:: no I still havnt gotten over it..Yes I still love her..I did have a momentary burst of happiness due to the fact that I got an Atari 2600 today but that died down pretty soon ::sighs:: I dont eat a whole lot...sometimes i'll even go a day with out food..diest mostly consist of water, milk and orange juice and sometimes food...I cant help it..I just dont feel hungry much since then..

I can feel my strength dwindling each passing day...I hate wakeing up everymorning i no longer have a bounce in my step..I just wish I could be with her again....::sighs::

Well My life completly sucks. Still living at my grandmothers. and I've beend dumped yay for me....... stare I hate my life....I officially hate it