Yes.
I must confess.
My heart is pounding in my chest.
Because this love is the best.
I'm just a love addict.
I like that song. Anyways. Yeah. Spring is around the corner and I can already feel the itch. Ugh. I hate that Spring itch. The other lycans reading this understand what spring means. And I hate it. I always end up feeling all emo and s**t.
Also I tend to have very bad mood swings. OMFG, I might actually-!!!!
scream I can't think about it.
Spring makes me do bad things I would never normally do. I really wish I kept that straight jacket from 5 years ago. Guys are cool and all and I'm no lesbian, get that straight but...
I'm not really looking for a guyfriend. Well, not one with any serious relationship in tail. Which is bad. Spring always makes me go Gah-gah for some guy i've never met. Which is a BIG no-no in my book.
crying Why can't I control my emotions yet?! I'm turning 373 this year in May. Yay and Boo. You'd think I'd have gained some understanding by now but Nooooo.
Damn. Immortality doesn't kick in until 400. Controling myself doesn't happen until around 350's so i'm kinda close.
I hate this. Sometimes I enjoy being a lycanthrope. It's fun and you feel different from everyone else. Special I guess. Then there are times where you remember that you're part wild beast and you get the instincts that go with it. gonk
I find it funny a human enemy of mine is growing bored out of his skull .Maybe he'll go and play with his little vampire and leave me alone now. Speaking of vamps, Damien doesn't know I cut my hair yet. I'm sure he's devastated. Like I care.
Well this is fun. I've had some more bad thoughts now and my right arms seems to spasms as I type and write. Which is very not good. I hate it when my body does this to me. I almost cut my Mom. cry I felt very bad. We were eating steak and my right arm spasms as I try to cut it. Just so happens my Mom was reaching for the butter at the time. Schink!
I cried. Then laughed. And then I fell off my bed, unable to breath, eyes streaming as I howled in laughter. I'm a bad person.
I've also had this thoght where I killed 'someone' (We all know who it is). I'm dragged into the principal's office, obviously drunk. Screaming that 'He killed him! He killed him!' My whole body spasms this time and I end up grabbing the golden pen that is hooked to the teacher's nameplate and stab the police officer in the eyes. Pulling on the principal's neat hair then slamming it down on the corner of her file cabinet repeatedly.
I almost killed my Biology teacher once. It wouldn't be the first time someone would have tried. She was a b***h. I had the dagger in my bookbag and thought about slicing her wrinkled throat. But then again. She had a son. Lucky her. I'm not afraid of going back to prison. You don't pay for anything in there.
Yeah. A reason why the only people who hang out with me are either dumb or stupid. Then there are the suicidals. Yes, an intersting little group.
I hate spring.
I think I'm beginning to lose the use of my left hand. The nerves fade in and out from time to time. It's not dying but it's just strengthening. It happens every few years. My leg or an arm will go numb or something. It's a b***h when it comes to school especially during tests or going down stairs. Ever fall down a flight of stairs that held like 20 other people? You can't fall unless you make someone else fall. And then suddenyl everyone's bitchin' at you for touching them. Ooh, what you gonna do? Hit me?
Another thing. "I can't hit you cuzz you're a girl." The only men who say that are either civilized or afraid. And since I live in Ky, I'm betting it's cuzz there afraid. No such thing as manners around here. I hate that so-called rule. Show me where it sasys that. Cuzz the last time I checked a man had no problem beating the s**t out of his wife.
Is it bad to feel terrible after causing someone pain? But then enjoy pain when it's happening to you? I hate pain. I don't like it at all. Especially when I cause it. But if someone else is doing it I don't seem to mind. It's weird.
If someone hits me I just think, "I deserve it." Of course if you hit yourself, your thinking, "Ow, ow, ow. This is going to hurt."
I guess that makes sense.
Don't ask me why I'm writing all this. I just like to get my thoughts down before I forget them.
February is almost gone. And so is the snow.
I have friends. My friends have friends. So I guess they don't really need me then huh? When I ride the bus home I find myself thinking: If my friends died, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't cry or be an emotional wreck. But would they? If I died would they try to kill themselves? I hope not. What a waste. I'm not important enough for them to hurt themselves.
Love is such a fickle thing. That's why I keep my heart next to the popsicles in the freezer. There's a crack in it but if I keep it frozen it won't fall apart. biggrin I'm so smart!
March is here and I doubt anyone is still readin this anymore. But like I've said so many times before, I'll keep writing till I feel better. Even if it's a bunch of crap.
School year is at it's closing and my friend is dating vampire. at first I didn't mind cuzz she wasn't sure about doing it. Then she told me he did some kinda 'kiss' or something or other and now she's his. And she's going along with it. Which is crap now. I don't like my territory invaded by this outsider. Taking a close friend on mine, will he?!
So yeah. She's all into it too. I guess I should be happy for her since she hasn't been feeling too well recently. A new BF might do her good.
Just why a vampire? gonk
Now she's asking me a bunch of questions about vampires and why werewolves and vampires don't get along. *Pulls out giant book covered in centuries of dust*
No I'm not going to read it but it was a real strain to tell her only the good parts. I don't want her to hate vampires just because I hate them too. BUT I don't want her dating him either! s**t!
But being me I only tell her why we're different and I realized a few things about me as well. The reason the lycans and the vamps don't like each otehr is soley based on that we have different approaches to doing things. I knew that from before but when I was writing a list of stuff for her it came to that conclusion.
 SikFox · Wed Feb 21, 2007 @ 12:09am · 12 Comments |
