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It's been a long time and soo much has changed. You know, I used to think that love was indestructable. I mean weak love can be destroyed but I never thought that a love as strong as mine would fall through. It's not the distence that gets me. And it's not her fault at all. I do love her, deep down. But right now I don't have time to be sitting in front of this copmuter let alone to have my heart passed to her. I've written songs about her, I've written poems for her. But now I rarely think of her. I rarely think of any one. Not even myself. In fact less my self then any one else. All my attention is one Thomas Jefferson and George Washington. I'd like to take a moment now and then to think about her, but I don't think about it. It used to be just the thought of her would give me butterflies. But now, I hardly get butterflies when she calls. Which is the furthest thing from to often short of never at all. But I know why, she's busy, and I never EVER have time to talk. Between being a Choir Officer and the job of showing Mr. Crouse I'm ready for Music Company, and keeping up with all my homework trying to make time where I can come back to gaia permenatly with out haveing to stay up late in the night just to see what's going on, I'm going insane. Slowly my life is crumbleing beneath my feet so that I may find my strong ground once I'm out of college. But the problem is, the tings I love are so heavy. and the bridge so fragile. If I try to take My love for her, and my writting, and my singing, and my family, and my dreams for the future, and my scocial life, as well as the things I like to do alone, such as drive to no apperent place, take long walks, playing video games then I'm never going to get across. Things have to be cut no matter how much I hate to say it, and I know what's MOST importent to me. they are all greatly importent to me, I've already given alot of things up, but I have to give more. My future, my music, and If I ever get time my carrier as an author. I need to focus in school more and to do that I have to let go most things that are time consumeing. It pains me to say but I have to do it. So now, I'm waiting in agony for her to call and to try and explain the situation. Hopefully she'll understand, and she'll know I still love her. But untill then, it's off to get my homework done.
How sad it is the day when one loses everything he stood for so that he may beable to stand again some day. It's either lose everyting entirely now, or give my ground a little to become stronger and take it back later. I'm aware the "ground" may be changed but at least I'll have it back.
 Protector of the States · Fri Oct 20, 2006 @ 01:55am · 0 Comments |
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