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So, this is my journal thing. I can put anything I want in here?
FOOSHALGAUSHOL.
Haha, fwee. xd
Anywho, my first entry isn't really much. However, I can complain today. This whole week has been pretty much crappy, to summarize. I had about...*thinks* what, 5 tests? Maybe more. All clustered in on a few days. Man, I hate school. And what's with the excess book reports and homework? I tell ya, Sidwell sucks.
Oh, and yesterday I was locked in the basement because my parents had a party for my old school that they -conveniently- forgot to tell me about. So I had to stay down there for hours. When I was let upstairs to get food, I grabbed the phone and invited some friends over. I let them in the basement backdoor, and we watched movies for a few hours till they had to leave. By then it was 11:00, and mum made me go straight to bed, which was annoying.
Today I had a soccer game ((I'ma goalie ^_^)), and we played like kindergartners ((spelled that right?)). They had no subs, we had many, we were good, they were bad, and they STILL beat us 4-2. I got so frustrated I was on the verge of screaming curses at my team and the other team and everyone, basically. So I made two bad punts, and missed two saves I could've made. I got so mad at myself that on the ride home I started cry. After the game I told everyone not to talk to me, because it just made me want to cry harder.
My dad tried to cheer me up by saying that he didn't know why I was so upset because I played a pretty good game. I thought I played awfully, but ((and I'm not pointing fingers, it's just true)) my whole team played horribly. Everyone just timidly tapped the ball and started standing around when they got a pass. I was screaming at them, "URGENCY! Carry the ball! What are you afraid of?!" but nobody heard me. I guess they just kinda ignore me.
We had no one there who would finish the play. When we finally got the ball upfield no one would be there to make the shot, or be agressive on the defense. It was possibly the most frustrating and aggravating thing in my life. Even before those two easy shots were made I was feeling like I was gonna cry ((that's how bad it was)). As you might've guessed, I'm obsessed with soccer ((and swimming, and lacrosse, and field hockey, and indoor soccer, and...)). But anywho, onto another matter...
I have a crush on the least likely person. Actually, two, no...three people. 1) Frank- he's tall, not dark, and not the most handsome, but God do I love him ((for whatever reason)). He's got strawberry blonde hair cut short, blue eyes ((I think...)), and he adores soccer ((like me!)). I'd like to think of us as really good friends, but since we're only in 1 class together we're not the closest we could be.
There's that and I can't possibly get close to him. The problem: Sidney. A smart, athletic, pretty, and popular blonde who everyone loves and worships and blah-blah-blah. She makes us imperfect girls invisible. Frank only has eyes for Sidney - when she's around, he can barely look at me unless I do something extraordinarily stupid, which I usually do. I wish I could be his good friend, maybe even his girlfriend, but I can't.
He loves Sidney, and EVERYONE knows it. That and I'm too scared to tell him how I feel. I mean, what would happen if he avoided me? It'd be really, REALLY bad...feeling, that is.
2) Sam- Sam has reddish-brown hair, brown eyes, he's tall, muscled and REALLY funny. He's been my friend since I was in kindergarten ((when I broke my arm he gave me five bucks. Friends ever since)). We went to the same school up until sixth grade, where we split off. Me - Sidwell, Sam - Field. Unfortunately contact is scarce these days, but when we do see eachother we really, really hit it off. Just at a class reunion the other day I saw him and on the ride home we talked endlessly.
He kinda changes around other people, but when I get him alone it's not awkward at all. In fact, it's wonderful, and that's why I wish I could keep that alone time. Unfortunately, I think we're too distant. Still, I think I feel something for Mr. Tall-Dark-And-Handsome, as often as I call him ugly. xd ;
3) Riley- Riley is and has been my best friend since we were babies. He's got blonde hair, blue eyes, and he's only a few inches taller than me ((we used to be the same height for years, but he grew this year, forcing me to unhappy xp )). Only lately have I been feeling things more than friendship for Riley.
The only problem is Riley's my best friend, my back-up plan for Saturday night. I can go out and see a movie with him any time and not have to make out in the dark. If I lost that...well, what would I do? If we had a fight, and I lost him as a friend...it'd be too hard. So I won't approach. I'll be his friend, and pretend it's all I have to give. Who knows? Maybe someday it'll work.
Okay, so that ends my rant for today. Toodles!
-Azurai
P.S. Doncha love teenage angst? ^_^
 Azurai · Sun Oct 03, 2004 @ 01:32am · 0 Comments |
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