This is an adaptation I did of the song 'Why Can't The English?' from My Fair Lady, but made to fit Gaia.
Oldbie 1:Look at her, a prisoner of the chatterbox,
Condemned every time she talks.
By law she should be taken out and hung,
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue.
n00b 1: LOL!
Oldbie 1: 'LOL'!
Heavens! What a noise!
This is what the Gaian population,
Calls a satisfactory education.
Oldbie 2:Come, I think you picked a poor example.
1
biggrin id I?
Hear them down in Barton square,
Tossing 'u's out everywhere.
Typing English anyway they like.
You sir, did you go to school?
n00b 2: Lol, school iz t3h suxorz!?!!1
1:… That line doesn't even fit the rhyme!
See a n00bish man, or worse,
See a 1337-ian converse,
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat.
Chickens cackling in a barn
Just like this one!
n00b 1: WTF?!
1: 'WTF…'
I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that?
It's "LOL" and "WTF" that keep her in her place.
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face.
Why can't some Gaians teach themselves how to speak?
This verbal class distinction by now should be antique.
If you typed as she does, sir,
Instead of the way you do,
Why, you might be begging people, too.
A Gaian member's way of typing absolutely classifies him,
The moment he posts he makes some other Gaian despise him.
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get.
Oh, why can't some Gaians learn to
Set a good example to people whose writing is painful just to read?
The beggars and the otaku can make your eyes bleed.
There even are places where literacy completely disappears.
In the GD, they haven't used it for years!
Why can't some Gaians teach themselves how to speak?
Norwegians learn Norwegian; the Greeks are taught their Greek.
But type properly, and you're regarded as a freak.
Why can't some Gaians,
Why can't some Gaians learn to speak?
Oh, by the way, 1337-ian is pronounced 'leetian', like 'martian'.