Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

i finally met the guy that j was trying to set me up with.

yeah.

her cousin.

....

i don't think it's a love connection.

he seemed alright. i didn't spend a lot of time talking to him one-on-one.

honestly, he said some things that didn't sit right with me. not that they were anything outrageous or anything. i just value open-mindedness, and he made some comments about music that just invalidated people who liked that type of music. the world isn't going to s**t just because some music doesn't consist of words and is just beats.

i don't know.

oh! and his dad ... he was way too excited at the prospect of me and his son together. like bro, chill out. i just met the guy. don't be writing the vows for us when we haven't even had a conversation alone.

also ...

... i'm not that attracted to him. okay, he's not hideous or anything. i just didn't get that spark or the skipped heartbeats. he was just another guy.

i gave him my number when he ambushed me -- correction, his father sequestered j so that he could ambush me. i still gave it to him. maybe i'm just too overcritical and have too high of expectations. maybe i expect too much. maybe i think too highly of myself.

i wish nick saw me romantically. i get palpitations when i see him, and he's so tall. that's another thing! this guy is shorter than me; i'm pretty sure. and okay, that really shouldn't be a factor. whatever. being tall is like my one thing. that is the one trait i prayed to God that my partner would have.

i kind of want to explore my attraction to women. what if my "soulmate" is a woman? and i'm here just looking at guys because it's more acceptable to my parents and easier to explain to them if i'm going out with a guy. that shouldn't hold me back. i think this is something i really do want to do. this isn't the first or second time i've seriously considered this.

i don't know.

man, i explored a lot here hahah this guy, nick, women ...

i shouldn't even worry about this right now. i need to focus on step.