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I'm lowkey tired of begging for Rob to love me.
Rarely do I feel loved or even overloved by Rob, but when I experience those moments...I cherish them.
I'm up here for a few days. I decided that while I was up here, I might as well get my medicine, get my haircut and renew my license once and for all, but I honestly came up for him. I've been missing him something terrible, not to mention around three times I day I think, "I really could use a good hug right now."
Like...I know he's dealing with a lot right now, most notably his entrepreneurial journey with this dump truck, which I'm a supporter of 1000%. Right now, he's a pretty stressed because when the weather isn't ideal, he can't work, and when he can't work he doesn't get paid...and as we all know...bills come regardless so he's coming up a little short there.
I saw this issue and instantly thought, "He's going to be depressed and he'll virtually start ignoring me...more than he's already been doing."
My issue isn't him being busy. I know he's hustling and making things happen and I, again, I support this. But my issue comes when he's shutting me out, but still finding time to talk to and take care of everybodyyyyyyyyyy else. He's shooting the s**t with the crazy Faheem boy, or he's going to visit fuking Qwill in the hospital (who, let's not forget, referred to Rob as "his old head"....wtf is that?!) he will find time to tend to everyone else....but me.
As we speak, I got here last night...he barely spoke to me. When he got home, he barely spoke to me. As of right now, him and Faheem "went to the bank" and perhaps to visit that Qwill boy. When he gets home, he'll barely speak to me. Like...what the ******** do I have to do? Also, if you don't want to be with me...just ******** say so.
I'm literally at the point right now where I'm so tired of fighting for something and frequently feeling like I'm the only one fighting.
I don't beg externally because it starts coming off as nagging and inconsiderate of the other things he's dealing with. But again, no one told you do take on all these extra responsibility or have all of these extra friends that drain you but do very little to fill you back up.
i really don't want to dwell on this anymore...but I'm tired, love. heart
Music: "I Don't" - Mariah Carey Featuring YG
Ryonosuke · Fri Nov 16, 2018 @ 12:01am · 0 Comments |
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