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I know that nothing is planned and that there's no specific path for everyone to take. No one is born for a reason or purpose and there isn't anywhere specific we belong. Your comfort zone is what you make it. But I've seemed to stumble into some contradicting state of being. I don't like having to live with just myself, living with someone else is too chaotic, living alone is also like mental torture, living with someone can be extremely uncomfortable. I don't really have any better option, its either/or, I can't win this one. I'm afraid that in the mist of everything, I'll just lose my mind and slit my throat. I guess that's the worst outcome. I don't know how being social works or how being with people is a good thing. They only ever hurt you. There isn't really such thing as love, its just a word people use to describe something that they probably aren't even feeling. I used to think it meant something...I used to think I could love someone and they could love me. But I know now that when you're a young girl, people just want you to think that you can be special and that you can contribute to others and the world. I know there are some women who turn out to be great and do great things. I don't think I have the guts to stand out and be something more than what I am. I just want to live comfortably. Being happy is clearly too much to ask for, so comfortably and content is just going to have to do. I can't get anyone to understand, or even listen. I don't want it to be all for nothing.

Sincerely,
Kalasia...