Remember how it felt when you reached the goal and had finally got what you wanted...
That's something I've been trying to keep in mind more and more as time goes on.
I've been here for seven months now and it's been a bit of a rollercoaster since then. Things definitely have not been bad but it also wasn't all roses and sunshine either.
I'm sitting here late at night, just got back from Wawa, and I no longer feel like diving into my emotions to write this piece.
It's the next morning, and I still don't feel like doing this emotions thing, but I can at least try.
Almost eight months ago, I finally got the call that shifted my life. I remember feeling so happy, so relieved after getting the offer. "I finally did it." - those were my first thoughts and I was beaming.
I had discussed with Rob previously that maybe a move back to the DMV would be good. Maybe we both needed to be around blacks that are upwardly mobile and well-off/affluent because that culture just did not exist in Philadelphia. And to be honest, I only half believed those words myself. I think much of that came from the culture and feelings that had amassed after living with Rob for the few months that I had been up to that point.
When I got the call, I was five months into living with Rob. It was the first time we lived together like this. I had moved my clothes and stuff into the house and purchased a washer and a dryer as well. Just a few months before I got the call, Rob stopped working and started his cancer treatments. Unfortunately, due to his job sucking at life...he could only get the hospital fees covered by his health insurance and the company did not offer any type of long or short-term disability. That means that outside of the money that came from the city for Rob taking care of his father...no income was coming in. That means, I was helping to pay bills, which I didn't mind, I just wish I had a little more time than 3 months to prepare. I moved into Rob's to pay off my credit card and stabilize my finances again, but I didn't get the chance to do that...especially after spending almost $2,000 (I think) on the washer/dryer.
Not to mention, I was always trying to get out of the hotel business and get into a digital marketing organization. Pickings were slim in Philadelphia (not a ton of diversity of industry) and I wanted to keep my options open. The cancer treatments took a lot out of Rob and it took a lot out of me too.
Rob always talks about trying to "shield" me from his pain and struggle and I understand what he means when he says this. But I'm there everything. I see it. I feel it. It affects me no matter how much you try to put on a brave face. I still wish he'd be a bit more transparent with me.
Ryonosuke · Sun May 13, 2018 @ 04:24pm · 0 Comments |