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I've noticed recently, that usually people are smart enough to get the point, when I out right tell them something I've been noticing for a while. Its either that, or they at least try to understand. Sometimes I am very harsh with people, and I don't notice it. I'm blunt and overbearing. I have a tendency to be mean and cruel. But, don't mistake it for me being a horrible person who doesn't care or notice that I hurt people. I try not to go over board, but things I say tend to be on reflex. Yeah...sadly, I do enjoy hurting my friends, but I never EVER hit someone in the face, thats just demeaning. However, when it comes to words, I am usually pretty straight forward. If its something I believe you should know, I will tell you straight out, usually. Depending on what it is. There is one person I find the most trouble with lately. Or rather, not lately, for quite a while now. I've known him for almost and entire year. My...well I don't know If I can call him a friend, he tends to brush me off to the side unless he wants something of which I can not give him. But...Antonio has intelligence that belittles others. Including his own. Its is a moment of personality that I have come to accept, because it is his and only his. This is the basis of everything with me. Sure as hell, he's an interesting guy, like every other human on earth. He says i'm a conundrum...which I don't understand. I say what I feel like saying, I say what I believe to be true, and thats pretty much it. Sure, in some cases, I look at things differently then others, and I don't hate anyone. The point is though, its hard to get something threw to him. I tell him something very bluntly, and its almost like it just goes right over him, around him. Never touching him. Maybe listening to someone is no longer the issue with him. But sooner or later, he will do what I told him to do, but with our realizing I told him in the first place. It takes him forever to realize things, but quick too. Its almost like he is incapable of taking others advice because he can not accept that end. He needs to think of it on his own and therefore come to the conclusion. Its funny really. When I realize this myself, I wish he had come to that conclusion earlier, or heed my words. But obviously, that does not happen. Maybe this is with in the normal set mind of a human. Advice through words rarely is able to help. Easier said then done. One must realize it with in their own mind before they can put it in action. Its easy to say "Don't hate, its a waste of your energy, and there is little point in hating someone." But it tends to be hard for most people to do this. Its easy for me. Its very very hard for me to hate someone, oddly enough, I don't hate anyone, let alone anything. I might dislike something or the way someone does something, but never do I hate anything. At least, not that I have come across exactly that I know of. Then again, maybe I just say that to feel superior. haha. Antonio is a human being, and its the one thing he tends to forget. Whether or not his personality is as he says it is, he is a human. That is why he is how he is, because he's human. With in forgetting that, he becomes something he is not, as well as what he is. Then again, what do I know? I only know what he has shown me over the computer...the him that is in person is himself. Don't get me wrong, I become interested in people because they are themselves. Is it weird of me? Its like an art in itself. I could go on to explain my bestfriend Natalie as well. The woman who so many misunderstand because all they see is the outside, rather then the inside. I could go on to explain my boyfriend Villy, the man who opens up to me, yet stays still closed. Even more so, I could try and explain my sisters, my brother, my mom, or Johnny. Maybe to try and explain the water in the river, or the leaves that fall. Quite frankly, these are the only things that truly interest me. I have noticed that through out my life. Nature, how things work. People, humans in general. Life...life in all its glory and in all its chaos...thats what interests me. I become drawn to mechanics because I enjoy helping others, fixing what I see as broken or miscalculated. I enjoy learning new things that others don't exactly see as new. Staring at a pencil may not seem interesting to others, but in thinking over everything about it, it can become interesting. In exploring my own mind, I become interested. I dislike thinking, but I love thinking so much more that its scary sometimes. Everything I enjoy to do, I dislike to do. I love to take things apart and examine them, to fix things, to try and feel smart or wise, but all the same I dislike it. Why? I do not know why....its why I create my art I would suppose. I love and adore my art, as much as I dislike it. I feel that something needs to be fixed. Yet...nothing can be perfect, and in that exact fact, I understand where the endings to my work are. Perfection is what you believe it to be. In knowing there is no perfection, in seeing the faults as being something good, you can see that even if its not perfect, its perfect. As being said, I am perfect the way I am, as you and everyone else are as well. We grow up, and change as we grow older, and yet we are the same individual person. In the end, nothing changes, but everything changes. . The people I care about the most, are the ones I fear understanding. I know I understand little, compared to what is out there, there is very little that I understand. Sometimes it is more fearful in explaing those you care about, Villy or Natalie, mom or siblings, because...you fear finding out what you don't know, rather then what you do. What you have forgotten, or what you have mistaken. How little you truly know about the people you realy care about. Funny isn't it? When in fact, we should be using that in order to learn more about them...but sometimes knowing more, can cause more problems. Needing to ask and learning is of little consequence. Being around them and learning...that is to be known. You see more of a person being around them, then you do asking. Then again...that can be a double edged sword. In the process, I now wonder why the point of writing this was. I was just itching to write, and wanting to do something with my hands, that I just had to write something so pointless haha. Oh well. I enjoyed it any way.
80s_Katies777 · Sat Apr 16, 2011 @ 06:35am · 0 Comments |
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