I've done a lot of things since the last time I wrote. Met a lot of people, bought some stuff. Recently, I've been trying to fix things I broke in the past. People I've hurt, or mistakes that I've made; and it's not like I haven't been trying to fix them all along. Just that' it's only recently actually become possible.
Taylor and I have been talking again, actually. Granted it's not very often, and when we do talk it's not very excited either. It's an improvement though, and I can tell she's got a lot of anxiety when it comes to me. I told her she only has two feelings for me, Love, and "******** hate". I was being playful, but I was being serious too. She laughed, yay. But in the joke, I think the truth was lost. Its the side of her that loves me and is fond of me that makes us talking possible. Not even because she remembers being fond of me, but because she feels bad for hating me. Shes adamant about keeping a distance between us, and I'm adamant about removing it.
She's so protective of her self, and suspicious of my motives that I have to be careful what I even say around her. For instance, the word "Relationship" is a no go. Relationship is a general term, it doesn't indicate dating exclusively.
But, put that aside and she's also recently spoke of still loving me the way she did before. Said she's scared to be close to me, because she doesn't want to get hurt.
What does it all boil down to? Trust? Maybe just her family, or Britt. I struggle to understand her, and try to make her happy because she's one of the only people I care about.
I want her in my life..
I know, the more time we spend together the more she'll heal, and trust me again.. But I'm just a little worried is all.
I want her to open up to me, for once. So we can talk.
VaughnTophat Community Member 
|
|
